Stewardesses: Hate-Mongers of the Sky
(Cribbed from the Kansas City Star and the fine folks at Boulevard Brewery)
African-American sisters Louise Sawyer of Merriam and Grace Fuller of Lenexa are suing Southwestern Airlines for ‘discrimination, physical, and emotional distress’ caused by the callous and downright mean words of flight attendant, Jennifer Cundiff. So terrible were the waitress of the sky’s words that Grace Fuller “…had a small seizure. After she later got home, she had a ‘grand mal’ seizure and was bedridden for three days. The sisters claim they were humiliated, embarrassed and frustrated” and that the other passengers, who were taking a break from sharpening their box-cutters and nail-files, “snickered at them” because of their mistreatment by the devil-stew.
Now, I’ve done a lot of flying. And frankly, the surly and vicious flight attendants of our skies are indeed the re-animated spirits of Nazi stormtroopers. Their cheerful and helpful demeanor masks hearts as cold and black as space itself. And I’m not just saying that because a stewardess shot my dad when he attempted to halt their pre-flight ritual of shoving a boxful of puppies and babies into the turbines. (My dad admitted later that, knowing as little as he does about aviation, he was totally in the wrong. “For all we know, planes are only capable of flight when fueled with delicious souls of the cute and innocent.” he wisely imparted to me upon his deathbed.) So I’m usually inclined to take the side of the passenger when I hear about the gross abuse and punishment of my fellow sky-travelers.
So what exactly did sexxxy stew Cundiff do to these poor travelers? She spoke the most vile, hateful, racist, Jesus-killing phrase in the annals of human speech:
“Eenie, meenie, minie, moe; pick a seat, we gotta go,”
I mean, holy shit. That’s like using the pope to light a cross made out of kittens!
Seriously. That phrase is worth a fucking lawsuit.
Here’s your ‘context’ for all you nilly-nilly, weak-knee’d liberals out there:
“Cundiff said she used the rhyme because several people, besides Sawyer and Fuller, were out of their seats.” and that “Southwest Airlines encourages its employees to use humor to help make the flights more fun and memorable.” The cold-hearted raper of souls further went on to state that she ”was confused why someone would complain about the rhyme. She said she even asked her supervisor why what she said was racist. She said her supervisor didn’t know.
When asked by the Nazi Sky Queen’s lawyer if the ’n-word’ was used that day, co-plantiff Fuller said, ‘No, it wasn’t.’ But she said she heard it ‘whenever the rhyme was uttered’.” “I couldn’t believe that in 2001 someone would say something like that,” Fuller said. She said she saw a direct connection to the racist rhyme.
That’s right. These sisters are suing an airline because a stewardess didn’t think to telepathically scan her passengers brains for phrases that might cause them to freak out and shake it like a Polaroid. That stewardess should totally known that some of her passengers where incapable of applying the elusive and mysterious concept of “context” to a fucking nursery rhyme.
Do you have any idea what this means? Now you can sue someone because of what goes on in your own head when someone utters any old phrase! That means that I can sue ABC because I think of this whenever anyone mentions “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”, causing me to seclude myself for 5 to 10 minutes. You know how inconvienent that is? Or maybe I can sue McDonald’s because the phrase “I’m Lovin’ This” was used by a child killing clown in a dream I once had about about receiving the Nobel SeXXX Prize while totally nude.
We are no longer living in Bizarro world. This is now offically “Retardo World”.