Death Row Cookin’

by alphamonkey on February 17, 2004 · 0 comments

in Stupid People

Ever wanted to know the recipe secrets of America’s executed death row inmates? Now you can! Try tasty treats like ‘Gallows Gravy’ and ‘Rigor Mortis Rice’, or the patented ‘Old Sparky’s Genuine Convict Chili’ so hot it’s measured in 5,000, 10,000, or 20,000 volts! Mmmmmhmm! Taste the correctional goodness!

Now, while we might all have different opinions on the death penalty (though to be fair, death is certainly a fucking penalty), some of the other tidbits in the article point out just how strange our institution of death-dealing really is. Like say..this: “Prison officials try to meet meal requests but usually choose from whatever is available in the prison pantry. That means a request for lobster may bring fish sticks, the closest thing to seafood in stock.”

Folks, I know that these men and women did something mighty horrible do end up in that position, but if you’re gonna cook a man like he’s so much microwave popcorn, you should have at least have the common curtesy to give the poor soul some fucking lobster.

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