File under: Well, Duh!

by alphamonkey on April 25, 2004 · 1 comment

in News

75 Percent Of Americans Hate Their Bodies

via the AP

According to a pudgy poll by, 75 percent admit they are very self-conscious about the way they look in skimpy clothing.

In fact, 16 percent admit to getting “very depressed” about their appearance as the weather warms up and 40 percent desperately try crash diets in hopes of losing their lard.

At least Americans know who to blame for their fat frames—23 percent admit they eat poorly and 17 percent pig out on “forbidden foods” even though they know better.

Finally, 30 percent of Americans plan to deal with their big fat problems by only showing the body parts they like while 17 percent show more skin than they want to say they hate themselves for giving in to peer pressure.

Like many of you, I too hate my body. Which is why I’m continuing my 30+ year plan to assault it with cigarettes, beer, and truck stop restroom vending machine egg salad sandwiches.

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    Imagine that.  People visiting feel fat.  They just need to drink a large sugar-free vanilla breve for breakfast, a large sugar-free vanilla breve for lunch, and three steaks for dinner.  Now that’s healthy living.

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