Every now and then something comes along thatâ€™s so mind boggling, so unbelievable and just plain weird that it kind of changes your whole outlook on life. Lately this has been happening to me on Sundays; for instance, today I saw five movie trailers that made me completely lose my faith in humanity (which is, for me, a daily occurrence) and actually kind of made me want to go on a killing spree. I mean why do we need a fucking Jerry Bruckheimer retelling of King Arthur? And the Wayan brothers dressing up like white chicks? Well, thatâ€™s not what this post is about. This post is about something much grander, much more specialized, much moreâ€¦ just plain weird. Last Sunday morning (after a night of heavy drinking), I turned on my TV and flipped a few channels until BET brought me a wonderful, beautiful crazy-filled morsel of the true sweetness and tragedy that is humanity: K & K Mime.
Here they are, Keith and Karl, the â€œOriginators of Gospel-Mime,â€ a movement that must be sweeping the nation at this very moment.
â€œThese identical twins silently interpret contemporary Gospel music with dramatic gestures and animated facial expressions, portraying man’s resisting of life’s evil temptations and His transformation from doubter to believer.â€ (from the K & K Mime website)
Ok, hereâ€™s what I saw: It was on stage at one of those gargantuan made-for-TV churches that hold like 2,000 people in stadium seating. A recording of a really terrible gospel song came on and one of the twins began a solo mime while the other one stood to the side and watched. Later, the other twin joined in for a rousing and morbid finale. The â€œdramatic gesturesâ€ consisted of what looked like Keith trying to emit a giant beam of light from his chest straight up to heaven while Karl stomped around like a circus clown trying to make the audience of crying children not leave because the lion just ate its tamer. The â€œanimated facial expressionsâ€ consisted of super-exaggerated contortions alternating between extreme elation and deep psychotic depression. I mean, just look at this picture:
At the climax of the song (you know, the part of the gospel song where the singer extends every word out to about a million syllables) the words â€œHe was stretched out!â€ were sung and K & K stretched out their arms, feigning being stretched out on a cross. When the words â€œHe was hung up!â€ were sung, K & K cocked their heads to the side and swung their forearms down much like one would do for an early 80â€™s robot dance. Finally when â€œFor our si-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ns!â€ was sung, they went back to stomping and shooting out Godâ€™s chest-tractor-beam. I would have been laughing if I hadnâ€™t been so COMPLETELY FUCKING FREAKED OUT by the whole thing.
So the only thing left was to stagger out of my room and tell others of this true wonder. A website was found, and it was our duty to all of you loyal Transbuddhists to procure video of this blessed duo. Unfortunately, itâ€™s not what I saw that fateful morning on BET, but this will give you an idea of the atrocities of which I speak. Watch the video, visit the site, and pray hard. Pray hard for your soul and for all of humanity.
Next post: Doggies in Heaven.