The Internet: Spreading Your Useless Hobby Across Creation

by alphamonkey on April 19, 2004 · 1 comment

in Stupid People

Now, I know we all love the movie Tron…but this man loves it a little too much.

Now let’s talk about why that’s wrong.

It’s one thing to make a Tron costume…

Jeff Bridges ain't got nothing on me, babe.

It’s another to document the whole process.

It’s yet another thing to use your own unappealing, slightly discomfort causing body as a model..

Camel Toe: the Silent Killer

(To answer the question in everyone’s mind: Yes, you are most likely now technically sterile. Congrats!)

Folks, this may seem cruel…but if you’re going to plaster your retarded hobby all over the damn Internet, there’s no reason to be suprised when someone like me rightfully points out how fucking stupid it is. Furthermore, unless you truly enjoy the derision and ridicule of complete strangers, don’t post pictures which highlight your various anatomical abnormalities.

Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all!

Yes, as the insert clearly shows, this man actually possesses what scientists are now calling Negative Ass. Not ‘no ass’, or ‘tiny ass’, but Negative Ass.

The mindblowing aspect of this is that this guy probably had the tamest costume at the Penguicon 1.0 (which is probably a 1000 times more horrendously awkward and mind-rapingly innane than the name implies.)

But to be fair: There’s no shortage of people who are perfectly willing to walk outside in ‘clothing’ that you or I might view as dumb, tasteless, or possibly insane.  While at the world’s greatest fast food Mexican joint (Pancho’s. Bow down before it’s intestinal shredding glory!) the other day, I saw a girl dressed as the “Everything Under a Dollar” version of Trinity from the Matrix.  She had the short-cut dyed black hair, the plastic faux-vinyl pants, the black tank top, and….as a crowning achievement, what looked like a trenchcoat made from a 65 gallon Hefty Bag.  While on Halloween that might not have been so strange….but this was at 11:30am on a Saturday morning. And her companions looked like the kind of guys that Abercrombie & Fitch would probably prefer not to display their logo.

So, in conclusion:

  • When getting ready to leave the house, take a couple seconds a look in the mirror. Ask yourself one question: Does my outfit look like it’s ‘Dress Yourself Day’ at the school for mentally retarded kids? If the answer is ‘yes’, ‘maybe’, or ‘I’m not sure’…you’d probably best stay inside today.

  • Don’t take a photo of that outfit and put it on the Internet.
  • If you possess a Negative Ass remember: You probably shouldn’t own, wear, or cavort about in a Unitard, let alone photograph yourself in it.
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      I asked for a light cycle in blue, but this one is red.  Bright red!  I told you blue!  I could put a magnet in the sleeping quarters.  Bright red!

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