May 2004

< Here’s a funny little flash clip about corporate farming: Check out ”

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I work for an advertising agency that shoots a lot of tv spots.  Recently all employees were asked to come up with “Career Thoughts” – basically, “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey” but related to work and careers.  I came up with a bunch, which I sent to Davion.  He thought I should post them. 

me: “Oh, so you thought they were funny then?”

Davion:  “Well, a couple.”

me: “ummm.. thank you?”

So, here they are, for your amusement and ridicule..

Career Thoughts.. by The Good Reverend:

I think a great job would be “Superman”.  You get some fantastic tights, and no matter where you go, people are like “Hey, you’re Superman!” You might even get a lot of free stuff.  Yeah, Superman would be a great job, if only it weren’t for the archvillains.

If you work at a soup company, and your boss says, “What are you having for lunch?”, I bet there’s a LOT of pressure there to say, “Soup.”

If you’re filling out an application, I would omit the fact that you were the Messiah.  Because then they’ll probably think you’re going to ask for a lot of money.

If your name happens to be “Charles Manson”, put “Chuck” on the resume.  If your name’s “Ted Bundy”, I’d suggest “Theodore”.  But if your name’s “Adolf”, I’m sorry… I’m not a miracle worker.

I bet the first couple times the box company manager said “think outside the box”, everyone laughed and thought he was pretty clever.  But now it’s just getting old, man.

If you’re interviewing at a candy company and you’re asked “Why do you want to work here?”, don’t say, “Because I LOVE candy!” Hey buddy, everybody loves candy.

If you’re a guy on a date and you do professional roller derby for a living, I would emphasize the violence aspect of it, and not so much the rollerskating.  Not that women appreciate violence, but it beats rollerskating!

If you feel you were your last company’s whipping boy, don’t put that on your resume.  Put “whipping man.”

If you are a secret agent that was sworn not to disclose information about previous operations, and you’re filling out an application for a new secret agent position, DO NOT fill out the part about “Previous Work Experience”.  It’s a trap!

There are plenty of good reasons to want to work at a prison.  To be the hapless victim in a bloody prison riot is NOT one of them.

I really hope applications to be a police officer don’t have a question that reads “I would like to be the (check one):” and then has boxes labeled “Good Cop” and “Bad Cop”.  Because the world is so much more complex than that.

I bet circus clowns going for their first interview really struggle with whether to wear business attire, or a clown suit.

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I absolutely love this Starbucks ad.  But how on Earth did they convince the original band to take time from their busy lives to come back and mock their own song? smile

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The masses like to pay lazy people with no jobs. They like big governments with lots of rules and laws. They like to sit idly by while religous freaks fly airplanes into our buildings. They like to go after our president and denounce our troops. They suck.

Republicans are fuckin punk rock man…

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I bet this ad isn’t far from the truth…

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This pic and caption from msnbc..

President Bush received an honorary doctorate from Louisiana State University during commencement exercises last week

If doctorates were a tradeable stock, their value just plummeted to somewhere around junk bond status.  Note the vacuous look on his face.  I swear, I think I lost a couple IQ points just looking at him.  Medusa’s gaze turned men to stone.  Bush’s turns men into vegetables.

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Some very hilarious porn movie titles.  Much respect to “Big Trouble in Little Vagina”.  Just typing it makes me laugh.  Oh, nsfw btw.

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AttaboyWhile normally I’d have something snarky to say about an individual who has dedicated such a large chunk of their life to cataloging the myriad varieties of firecracker labels, but this is just damn cool. has an seemingly endless variety of actual firecracker labels categorized on their site.  I’ve found myself browsing this page for most the afternoon as I sit out the terrible thunderstorm that’s trying to beat up Lake Erie.

Mmm..taste the stereotype! Though if you want truly insane stereotyping from your favorite blow-shit-up sticks, you’ll have to find a package of these babies


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Screw Eddie Van Halen…

by alphamonkey on May 21, 2004

in Uncategorized

Why settle for paint splattered guitars ‘signed’ by guys who don’t need your money?Especially when you can have a custom designed, hand-made beauty like this one:


Girl Brand Guitars has a lot of kickass (and some flat out bizarre) custom rigs guaranteed to wet your eye whistles while rocking your ass off.

Give ‘em a look see. 

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Crotch Lamp

by The Good Reverend on May 21, 2004 · 2 comments

in Uncategorized

Okay, i know we already have the Pointless Waste of Time main site link up, but this is too funny not to bring attention to… introducing crotch lamp.

“…for there can be no greater sign of nobility in a gentleman, than when his groin shines as the very sun itself.”


Now that’s some fucking marketing right there!  Oh, and don’t forget crotch lamp for horses..

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