Best business name in KC

by The Good Reverend on May 5, 2004 · 2 comments

in Miscellany

This is just the most awesomest name for a business that I have perhaps ever seen:  Dick Ray, Master Plumber!  I drove by one of their trucks on the way to work this morning, and was so impressed by the name I had to comment.  It sounds like it’s something out of a futuristic sci-fi porn movie.  They even have a website, although I found that it ruined the mystique a little.  I suppose I had constructed some post-apocalyptic, Asimovian universe for Dick Ray to inhabit, so I was really setting the website up for failure.  No futuristic porn sci-fi superhero that I envision would ever have fake wood-paneling in his Dick Ray Lair…

But, I suppose he would have a small legion of compatriots to fight crime and answer the calls of lonely housewives who need something plumbed…

The website, nonetheless, does have some elements that could form legend.  We learn that

He started the plumbing company with a pair of pipe wrenches and nothing else.”

and that

the telephone rang beside his bed and Dick answered the phone all night long as customers phoned needing emergency overtime help.”

But then we learn of Dick Ray II (did I hear “sequel”?) and his exploits.  How…

“By the time he was sixteen, he knew as much about the plumbing business as many mature plumbers.  Between jobs he earned an Eagle Scout Badge. ”

Every superhero has the capacity to achieve what we ordinary humans would find impossible, like becoming a child plumbing prodigy while at the same time earning a boy scout badge. 

And finally, we establish Dick Ray II’s dark superhero status..

“In 1972, after bumming his way around the world on a motorcycle, Dick II returned to the family business, settled down and began for the first time full-time work with the company.”

Yes, after a brief stint not unlike Lorenzo Lamas’s role in the hit show, “Renegade”, our prodigal son returns to the fold to take up in the tradition of his heroic father.

Good job, Dick!

Oh, and since this all sprung from random thoughts during my commute to work today, I simply must add this:  To all the people of the world, being in a car does not make you invisible.  If you have your fingers so far up your nose that you can massage your frontal lobes, ya know what?  We can see you!  Jesus Christ people.  It is one thing if you are just one of those people that doesn’t give a shit and will do it anywhere.  I can respect that on some level.  I prefer some candlelight, scented oils, and a Barry Manilow cd, but to each his own.  But I know you are not doing it in “public”.  I don’t walk in a mall or at an amusement park and see people doing it.  So, statistical analysis reveals a sad fact – there is a small but significant percentage of the human populace that, although finding the act of raping orifices with one’s own appendages to be a shameful act, nevertheless feel that a transparent car window magically conceals them in their act.

It doesn’t.  Please stop.  You know who you are.

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  • Shadow Stalker

    Maybe he bangs that little gavel and it opens a door to the Dick Ray Cockpit.

  • Thundarr

    That’s great, but it’s not the best name.  About 5 years ago I was walking around the Plaza with a friend and we saw a taxi go by.  Why was it so memorable?  The name of the company was Terminal Cab Co.

    I mean come on!  Just try to beat that!

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