I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…

by alphamonkey on July 12, 2004 · 1 comment

in Miscellany

It’s the END TIMES, baby! Everybody BOOZE UP AND RIOT!!!Now, why would I say such a thing?

Because some dipshit just gave Lindsay Lohan a record deal.

these twins are about as natural as a Furby

Teen queen Lindsay Lohan has secured a record deal with Mariah Carey’s ex-husband Tommy Mottola’s Casablanca Records label. The Mean Girls actress, 18, is set to follow in rival Hilary Duff’s footsteps as she branches out into the music industry. A representative for Casablanca’s parent company, Peter Lofrumento, says, “I can confirm Lindsay has indeed signed with Casablanca.” No further details have been released, but it is believed Lohan has signed a long-term, multi-album deal. Lohan’s singing talent was evident in last year’s hit movie Freaky Friday when she sang “Ultimate.” Mottola tells the New York Post, “I’m thrilled we have her. I think she’s the next big star on the horizon”.

That’s right, folks! Augmented Breast Wielding “Phenomenon” Lohan* has signed to the label that kept KISS neck deep in cocaine for the majority of the 70’s.

Folks, we don’t deserve free will, if this is the price we have to pay.

* And let’s think about this…why the hell does a 17 year old MILLIONAIRE ‘actress’ need bigger breasts, anyway? Or does she get off on all the pedophile attention? Way to set a good example for the pre-teen fans, Lindsay!

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  • http://360.yahoo.com/razorfine_review Thundarr

    Just what the hell kind of vacant monotone melody is she going to spew out?

    I’m so unhappy cause I’m so rich,

    People all hate me cause I’m not a bitch,

    Nice girls are so lonely…….

    Nice girls are so lone—-ly……

    I only get paid ten million bucks

    For each of my lame ass songs that sucks

    Oh, nice girls are so lonely

    Nice girls are so lone—-ly…..

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