TV commercials bother me. Taking a quick self-inventory, I find that about 94.47% of tv advertising evokes in me one or more of the following responses:
1. mild displeasure
3. feeling of having my intelligence insulted
4. making oath to self to never, ever buy that product/service being advertised, “just to show ‘em” how much I hated the ad
5. a desperate wish for the sweet, sweet release of Armageddon
6. outrage and disgust (this especially when computer graphics are used to make babies/animals talk/dance)
7. alarm and fear that these ads are being beamed to alien races and revealing us to be a petty, weak, and easily-vanquished civilization.
8. confusion (specifically, asking questions such as “do they expect us to buy their product based on that ad?” or “did the ad genius who came up with that actually get to keep his job?” or “the ad agency showed that ad and the client approved it? wha-wha-whaaa?”
9. a sneaking suspicion that “the terrorists have already won”.
Hey, I’m not blind to the harsh reality that it is hard to make a clever ad for mouthwash. But that doesn’t mean I should tolerate some foppish prick in a turtleneck droppin’ dental wisdom as he stands in front of these 15 foot tall white blocks representing my teeth as a deluge of blue-green liquid pours out from between them. And when a problem comes along, I CAN not, and WILL not “swiff it”.. and fuck you ad guys for taking my fond childhood memory of associating the “Whip It” song with a bunch of cool geeks doing the robot with red ziggurats on their heads, and replacing it with some cracked out suburban housewife skittering about her dusty home with a fucking mop/broom hybrid. In the words of that freakish Bene Gesserit witch from Dune.. “GET….OUT…OF..MY..MIIIIINNND!”
Give me pencil, paper, and 10 minutes and I know for a fact that I could come up with better material than this, but NOT better than this. I realize this ad has been out there awhile, but it’s worth seeing again (unlike ‘All Your Base’, Stalker!). I don’t know if this is just a demo for Kellogg, a joke, or if it really aired somewhere. But I went out bought some Nutrigrain bars just in case. I never thought I’d say “ad” and “soul” in the same sentence, but this ad speaks to my soul.
God bless you, Justin Reardon of Turnpike films. Due to legal mumbo-jumbo, he has had to block access to his ads, but I WILL find the rest of his ads out there and post them. And in the off chance a tv ad exec is reading this, take some notes, will ya? If I see one more ad with a computer-animated beagle doing hiphop dance moves in front of his food bowl, I’m taking a fucking hostage.