I’ve been putting a lot of hours in at work over the past few months. My boss recognized this and asked me the other day if there was anything he could do to ease my stress. Did I ask for vacation days? Intern? No, I’m a professional, damn it. I asked him for a stripper.
Not this particular stripper, mind you…
Now, when trying to attract hummingbirds to one’s own Miagi Garden or patio, one buys a hummingbird-feeder…logically. For birds, a birdbath perhaps. For right-wing gun nuts, a secluded wooded location with barbed wire and ample fertilizer selection at the co-op is desirable. Along this line of reasoning, to have in-office strippers, one must first build their native habitat: a stripper pole.
But where to find a pole that can easily be installed in any living room or office? Thankfully, a coworker sent me a link to the Lil’ Mynx. Now I can bring that seedy, depraved underworld so revered by all into my own office!
Corporate board meeting followed by a night at the strip clubs? Why? Bring the stripper to the board room! Spouse doesn’t get you going anymore? Put ‘em on a pole! The people at Lil’ Mynx have even provided a video to show us all how this might realistically play itself out.
I have a few problems with the movie. First, the girl in it is pretty attractive. Her boyfriend looks like a complete fucking choad. And yet he is not interested in sex with her? When you are selling a product, you should have a little truth in advertising. I am not believing this scenario.
Secondly, look at how deftly our “lil’ mynx” in the movie is handling power tools. This is a seasoned professional. She knows what a joist is and knows how to locate it through use of her own stud-finder (which she obviously wasn’t using when she chose her boyfriend). Now, I am not saying that women can’t be skilled at carpentry. I am suggesting, however, that if we were to call upon Logic 101 and draw a Venn diagram, putting women who are skilled at carpentry in one set, and hot, tattooed women in another, there would be little to no intersection between those sets. Women who install poles and women who dance on them are mutually exclusive, I would think.
And where did all these tools come from? Oh yeah, they were probably laying around in her gooch-looking construction worker boyfriend’s garage… right next to the meth lab. He’s a keeper, Mynx!
Thirdly, no one wears safety goggles just to drill a hole. No one. Oh wait, maybe they teach that at Hot Women’s Skool of Pole-dancing and Carpentry. I suppose combining both professions makes for a lot of things that might poke you in the eye.
Nevertheless, the Lil Mynx is a great product. Stripping shouldn’t be limited to strip clubs and bachelor parties. Gates’s mantra was “a pc in every home”. Well, mine is “a pole in every home!” And Lil Mynx will take us there.. even if some of the tools in their video happen to sport a goatee.