It’s official. The government of Iran has just sanctioned the first rock band from a Western infidel country, giving them full rights to release their albums to the Iranian public. And what band, you might ask, was conservative enough, bland enough… Los Lonely Boys -enough, to merit the blessing of such a Islamic fundamentalist theocracy?…
Queen. Yep. Kick-ass, flamboyently gay Queen.
Now, at first I’m sure Queen is thinking this is some great honor to be so adored amongst the Iranian populace – 70% of which is under 30. However, here is a list of other Western artists who have had particular songs or song lyrics given official blessing in the country: Elton John, Julio Iglesias, Gypsy Kings, Celine Dion, and Eminem. I know I speak for the members of Queen when I say they are very honored to be included in such a talented, prestigious group.
So, what does all this mean? It means:
1. Record stores across Iran will now have to have “Rock” sections, which will look kinda funny in that they’ll consist of only one band.
2. It is entirely probable that the Ayatollah of Iran knows more lyrics to Eminem songs than I do.
3. 70% under the age of 30 and being denied sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll? I think I know where the next revolution’s taking place.
4. The Ayatollah of an Islamic theocracy is now officially more tolerant of homosexuality than our own president and “leader of the Free World”.
5. It is entirely possible that the Iranian government is using the music of Eminem, Celine, and Julio to construct some sort of musical weapon of mass destruction. If Iran starts importing Manilow or Third Eye Blind, we had best lobby the U.N. to send in the inspectors.