What Is Sexy?

by alphamonkey on August 9, 2004 · 6 comments

in Sexuality,Stupid People

The Intraweb has done many things for mankind.  It’s created communites out of disparate people all over the world. It’s open our hearts and minds to many new wonders like dancing babies and bikers wearing wedding dresses.  But most of all, it’s taught us that not only do people have no shame whatsoever, but that many, many people have a vastly inflated sense of self-beauty.  While beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, sometimes that beholder is more whacked out than Whitney on a Sunday morning. the following is mildly NSFW (but it ain’t nothing you couldn’t see in a Cosmopolitan magazine)

In the spirit of such mind-boggling self-delusion, I present to you a couple of websites:

First off, Nudeoprene Coverings: A Study in Shiny Sensuality! While the name itself might conjure up images of sassy lasses and lads covered in latex and cavorting about in dungeons, the reality is far, far more disturbing.


not sexy

Yes, it’s a website dedicated to one aged man’s love of looking like the world’s least threatening Cobra action-figure.  Not only must this website cater to a fetish circle of say, three people, but it’s also a frightening look into what happens when you find yourself far, far sexxxier than you really are.

And on that note…

That brings us to UeberMich. the world’s sexxxiest thong-sporting, garden loving, Yanni-maned Teuton. 

Yup, your eyes are now useless

Not content to look like a well-toned Eurometal bass-player, our German friend has an intense and powerful love affair with his own ass.  He is also inordinately proud of how he fills out the various banana-hammocks he wears around the house, garden, or on the road.  I’m all for self-esteem, folks, but there has GOT to be a limit.  The real question on my mind is this: Who has he suckered into taking these photos? Did someone lose a bet, or maybe they’re illegal immigrants who’re afraid to be deported unless they cater to the vain and bizarre will of our ass-tastic Teuton here.

So in conclusion: Most of us are really not that attractive. Sad, I know, but true nonetheless. Perhaps you yourself have a self-portrait or candid pic that you were thinking of posting on the internet.  Perhaps it’s best if you don’t, okay?

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  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    What I am most curious about is what on the web you were looking for when you stumbled on these photos.  Was it a simple “hot men” search?  “mature male sexy photos”?  “male banana hammock”?

    Let us in to your world, alphamonkey… Wait, on second thought, don’t.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Oh, okay…I get you.  It’s only stealing when they’re sites you send to me, not ones I find in your Favorites folder.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    what?  My favorites folder on my home pc?  Have you been breaking in to my home to steal my underwear again?

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    EVERYONE knows you go commando, GR.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    One HAS to go commando when a monkey boy is constantly breaking into your home and stealing your underwear.

  • http://360.yahoo.com/razorfine_review Thundarr

    You notice he never answered your question.  So what was alpamonkey searching for in his darkened bedroom late one summer’s eve?  Hmmmm?

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