“Reverend, who is that Alphamonkey cat?”
“Reverend, I hear Alphamonkey is just dreamy.. is that so?”
“Hey Rev, when I think about Alphamonkey, I touch myself.”
“To whom it may concern, I am having Alphamonkey’s baby. Please reply with his contact info.”
People, I gots my own life, so I can’t keep being his personal secretary. So I’m doing you all a favor. You may be surprised to hear that Alphamonkey is actually a black belt in karate. Yes, you heard me. And, being a part of his “inner circle”, I was invited to a closed-to-the-public training session of his this weekend. Putting my duties to you, our loyal readers, above any personal physical harm that would befall me if it were to be known that I was recording the event, I was able to catch this rare footage of the Monkey in action. If you are pregnant or have a heart condition, I recommend not clicking on the link.