Best Wedding EVER

by alphamonkey on October 20, 2004 · 4 comments

in Stupid People

Eventually I shall get around to recounting the strange and sordid tale of the Rock n’ Roll wedding K and I went to back in September.  This wedding story, has anything I’ve ever experienced smacked straight into the bargin bin.

Here’s an excerpt:

Now, apparently the bride’s cousin had been playing the role of her recently deceased father, which nobody bothered to fucking tell me beforehand. He gave her away at the altar and got her birth control prescription refilled the day of the wedding.

So when I called the “cousins” out to the dancefloor, the groom bellowed “THEY’RE THE KISSING KIND!! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!!!”

Judging by the looks of the cousins, I could tell they were. Hell, they were probably brother and sister too.

So they danced, while the groom danced with his cousin who had cerebral palsy and was confined to a wheelchair.

At first, the groom was hunched over and holding the armrests of the wheelchair as he tried to spin her around.

This was before his stoned mind could comprehend that the wheelchair didn’t exactly work that way.

So he ended up just walking on the side of the chair as she wheeled up and down the dancefloor.

It was sweet and needed to be documented on film.

Unfortunately, the photographer was getting high in the parking lot.

There’s no visuals, so here’s a fun shot of a wedding we can all be glad we didn’t go to.

:haha! RenFest dorks!

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  • bellstreetbomb

    I went to my husband’s aunt’s wedding this weekend. We were at the restaurant for the reception when Steven Tyler from Aerosmith and the guys from American Chopper showed up. Steven kissed the bride and they all gave us a horn honking, engine revving salute outside when we were leaving. The whole scene was already just freaky enough that this all seemed to fit right in.

  • The Good Reverend

    So does Steven Tyler look like the Crypt Keeper in person, too?

  • olivesmarch4th

    Because when I think of romantic wedding duets, Kid Rock’s song about skanky cheating morons comes right to mind.

    That is the best story ever.  I take solace in the fact that no matter how wrong my wedding goes, it will never go that wrong.

  • .alphamonkey.

    You just totally jinxed it, you realize.

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