Open Invitation to Marissa Marchant

by The Good Reverend on October 7, 2004 · 19 comments

in Entertainment,Miscellany,News,Stupid People

The Marissa Marchant posts (1, 2) just won’t go away.  They are one of our oldest posts – hell, the site wasn’t even called Transbuddha yet.  They’re that old.

And yet they won’t go away.  People keep coming to the site to sing her praises and defend her against our year-old, long-forgotten verbal barbs.  We had so many comments that AM actually had to erase most of them because they were.. doing something.. bad.  Messing up the page or something.

Anyway, the spirit of Marissa (no, she’s not dead to my knowledge) continues to wander the corridors and passageways of our secluded mountain Transbuddhist temple – interrupting the old monks’ meditations with her “marchanting” melodies.  “ooohhmm-ni-padma-F#@K!  Marissa!”

She at once whispers in our ears, and yet is far away.  She is mysterious, like that goo on your teeth when you wake up in the morning, and yet familiar… like.. that goo on your teeth when you wake up in the morning.  She “marchants” me (yes, I will be replacing all conjugations of “enchant” with her last name for the duration of this post) with her siren’s song, only to push me away like…something she doesn’t like.

Just listen to what people are saying about her..

“She is a giver, you are a selfish taker.  Here is the difference, Marissa gives beauty to the world ….and you give negative insults.  Marissa is a winner.” -n

Marissa is a winner.  I will try to learn how to give more positive insults.

“Marissa Marchant is a golden artist.  You are people with no talent, life and substance, insulting one of the finest musicians that exists right now.” -John

That hurts, John.

“Miss Marchant, is a great kisser… she wants to bring joy to the world… John [previous commenter] is a person with substance I see.. [Marissa] looks very beautiful on her photos she sented me.” -N.Q

Don’t rub it in that you’ve kissed Marissa, dick.  Unless you are female, in which case, please elaborate, using sensory detail.

We even had Marissa herself (or, someone claiming to be Marissa herself) comment!  And then she was gone.  Marissa, you marchantress!  I must know more about you!  What is this power you have over your legions?  Do I dare touch the fire?  Do I dare take the red pill?

Okay, enough fun.  Here’s the deal.  Marissa, I never had issue with your music; I had issue with you asking astronomical sums of money for them.  And that was on your website, regardless of if you are giving them away for free now.  Do you deny this?  Anyway, you seem to be a hit.  We would love to hear from you – whether it be a guest blog, an IM chat, email.. anything!  I think your fans demand this.  Hey, publicity is publicity, right?  Even if it’s smartasses with a decidedly juvenile website imagining they have secluded mountain temples replete with old badass monks.  (These monks all resemble Pai Mei from Kill Bill and do some wicked kungfu, btw.  I am the Good Reverend, and I approved this hallucination.)

We want to hear from you, Marissa.  Get ahold of me at thegoodreverend at transbuddha dot com and let me know if you’re game.  Much to my amusement, we’re somehow the #2 site on google when looking for your name, right after your own.  Don’t you want a chance to put your own spin on our site?  Let loose the Marissa Spin Machine!  wink

Let us stand next to your fire, Marissa.  I wrote you a poem to try to win you over.  I did not plagiarize this…

I’ve never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight

I’ve never seen you shine so bright

You were amazing

I’ve never seen so many people want to be there by your side

And when you turned to me and smiled, It took my breath aaaaaa-way

I have never had such a feeling

Such a feeling of compleeeeete and utter love, as I do tonight

The way you look tonight

I never will forget, the way.  you.  look… tonight.

The lady in reeeehhhh- err… umm.. The End.

<whisper>I love you.</whisper>

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  • Davion

    Ah yes Miss Marchant.  I do love her music.  And she is an active vegetarian btw.  You are all way too beneath her to understand.  Feel her wrath!


    She came over for a spot of tea once.

    Just once.

  • Souped_up_on_Jihad

    Are you JOHNDX as in the farker JOHNDX? Just curious.

  • .alphamonkey.

    I can NOT believe you quoted ”Lady in Red“ by Chris De Burgh.

    I’m going to have that insipid audio diabetes machine stuck in my head for days now.

  • The Good Reverend

    hehe you’re welcome.

  • Oraxis

    I asked myself “Am I supposed to know who this Marissa Marchant lady is?  Am I so out of touch?”.  Then I went to her site.  From what I can tell she’s pretty much nobody.  You should go check out the “gigs” section.  Unless I’m mistaken, she’s talking about your blog and all of it’s negative jerks.  The best part is “I pronounce my name Mareeeeeeeeeeesa.” I laughed out loud.  I listened to one of her songs (though most of the links are broken), and it’s not bad.  It’s like something you’d hear when you’re in a dentist’s waiting room.  Just to prove my point that she’s nothing special, I contend that my very own friends and relatives are better.  Check out my brother-in-law Aaron Derington’s site, and the kick-ass electronica song he wrote, C-Load.  Marissa also has a few sketches on her site.  Well, my friend Brandon Snyder is a whole hell of a lot better.  Here’s his site.  So, I speculate that this lady just has a few friends that go around to blogs and defend her name.  I wouldn’t waste much more time on her if I were you.

  • .alphamonkey.

    Oraxis, I’m going to side with you on this. The stuff you can listen just sounds like songs Kate Bush threw out delivered by a sub-par imitator. To each ‘is own, though.

    But frankly, I think my stuff sounds better, and I have no delusions of ‘purity’ and/or talent. I’m just a drunken mope who writes sad songs.  In your face, Mareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesa!

  • The Good Reverend

    Crazy person, I am luuuuving your posts!  Mentally unbalanced people are fascinating to me.  Thank you for the positivity and light that you bring forth.  You are obviously a very talented person.. and a somebody.  Not a nobody.  But everyone is a no one in this big, big universe.  Even fame is not fame.  You are wise.  And since no one knows of Marissa, then by your reasoning, everyone knows of Marissa.  And loves her.  The amazing talent, kisser, and cook that she is… since everyone is no one.

    thank you for clarifying things and letting us into your world, even if for only a brief glimpse.

  • Davion

    By the way my dear.

    Ya gotta come up with better handles or names when you’re posting as multiple personalities.  I mean it’s totally cool and all, but ya gotta realize that many of these low lifes at Transbuddha are what you might call……. technically savvy.  For instance they for sure can track that you’re commenting from Northbridge, MA and they certainly can tell that it’s the same IP address that’s used in all of these comments.  An example would be


    Just wanted to help ya out is all.  You might want to try a bit more creative handles just to thwart the audience.  Such as 31ectricMus1c or SavoyTenor or BigBobsCarpet.  That would surely throw them off.

    Advice w/ luv.  BTW, Our Good Reverend is absolutely infatuated with Mareeeeesa Marchant.  And those of us that know him, know that I shit thee not.

  • Oraxis

    Well, Davion, you’ve thoroughly disappointed me.  Here I thought that my insensitive comments had incited a hornet’s nest of angry fans, all with the same tenuous grasp on reality and grammer, but all the while it was no other than the same person every time.  Probably her 14-year old A.D.D. little sister or something.  It’s good stuff, though.  I mean, they just keep getting madder and madder until finally they snap and now all the sudden they’re screaming about how Mareeeeeeeeeeesa “SUCKS ASS”.  How you can turn on your idol like that under mental stress, that’s classic stalker/killer stuff!  It makes for good readin’, though, whoever you are.  Keep it coming!  Unless…you’ve had enough of our witty barbs and relentless negativity?  I hope not.  In case you didn’t know we’re all LAUGHING at you!  We’re just waiting for you to go all ”Jeremy“ on us.

  • Oraxis

    NOW I know what this psycho reminds me of!  A Saturday Night Live sketch, The Guy Who Plays Mr. Belvedere Fan Club!  The line I’m thinking of was delivered with perfect psychotic timing by the late, great, Phil Hartman:

    I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn’t want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key.

  • The Good Reverend

    hahahaha!  i remember that sketch!  i remember exactly how Hartman delivered that line.  Classic.

  • Davion

    Well the point of revealing the identity was to let you know that it’s ok to just post as your self (it’s not like we gave away your address and credit card btw).  You seem to categorize everyone in to a a general box.  Believe me, almost everyone here has a different point of view on everything.  I can appreciate any artist’s point of view, but when you put down everyone being beneath her music or creative talents, you’re just asking for a spirited retort.

    I mean just take a look at the posts made by Harvester of Bondo.

  • Shadow Stalker

    Her site says she just bought a new piano and a new sound booth, so she can’t be too bad off.

  • Oraxis

    For the record:

    – I like my job.

    – I’m not jealous of you at all

    – You’re full of yourself

    Speaking of my job, I’ve already wasted enough of my time at work listening to your whiny self-loathing.  You were funny when you were crazy, but now you’re just pathetic!  Luckily Mrs. Swan came around and livened things up a bit, but now even her novelty has worn thin.  Shadow Stalker summed things up real nice for you, and I’ve had my say in that other thread about you.  So now, Marisa, my dearly deluded, I bid you farewell as I unsubscribe from the thread.  Thanks for the memories.

  • .alphamonkey.

    What the hell is it with this thread?

  • Shadow Stalker

    She hasn’t been around in months.  Maybe she’s dead.

  • .alphamonkey.

    Finally caught up to her musical career, eh?

  • marissa marchant

    I loved this guy.
    Who wrote the poetry?

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