The Marissa Marchant posts (1, 2) just won’t go away. They are one of our oldest posts – hell, the site wasn’t even called Transbuddha yet. They’re that old.
And yet they won’t go away. People keep coming to the site to sing her praises and defend her against our year-old, long-forgotten verbal barbs. We had so many comments that AM actually had to erase most of them because they were.. doing something.. bad. Messing up the page or something.
Anyway, the spirit of Marissa (no, she’s not dead to my knowledge) continues to wander the corridors and passageways of our secluded mountain Transbuddhist temple – interrupting the old monks’ meditations with her “marchanting” melodies. “ooohhmm-ni-padma-F#@K! Marissa!”
She at once whispers in our ears, and yet is far away. She is mysterious, like that goo on your teeth when you wake up in the morning, and yet familiar… like.. that goo on your teeth when you wake up in the morning. She “marchants” me (yes, I will be replacing all conjugations of “enchant” with her last name for the duration of this post) with her siren’s song, only to push me away like…something she doesn’t like.
Just listen to what people are saying about her..
“She is a giver, you are a selfish taker. Here is the difference, Marissa gives beauty to the world ….and you give negative insults. Marissa is a winner.” -n
Marissa is a winner. I will try to learn how to give more positive insults.
“Marissa Marchant is a golden artist. You are people with no talent, life and substance, insulting one of the finest musicians that exists right now.” -John
That hurts, John.
“Miss Marchant, is a great kisser… she wants to bring joy to the world… John [previous commenter] is a person with substance I see.. [Marissa] looks very beautiful on her photos she sented me.” -N.Q
Don’t rub it in that you’ve kissed Marissa, dick. Unless you are female, in which case, please elaborate, using sensory detail.
We even had Marissa herself (or, someone claiming to be Marissa herself) comment! And then she was gone. Marissa, you marchantress! I must know more about you! What is this power you have over your legions? Do I dare touch the fire? Do I dare take the red pill?
Okay, enough fun. Here’s the deal. Marissa, I never had issue with your music; I had issue with you asking astronomical sums of money for them. And that was on your website, regardless of if you are giving them away for free now. Do you deny this? Anyway, you seem to be a hit. We would love to hear from you – whether it be a guest blog, an IM chat, email.. anything! I think your fans demand this. Hey, publicity is publicity, right? Even if it’s smartasses with a decidedly juvenile website imagining they have secluded mountain temples replete with old badass monks. (These monks all resemble Pai Mei from Kill Bill and do some wicked kungfu, btw. I am the Good Reverend, and I approved this hallucination.)
We want to hear from you, Marissa. Get ahold of me at thegoodreverend at transbuddha dot com and let me know if you’re game. Much to my amusement, we’re somehow the #2 site on google when looking for your name, right after your own. Don’t you want a chance to put your own spin on our site? Let loose the Marissa Spin Machine!
Let us stand next to your fire, Marissa. I wrote you a poem to try to win you over. I did not plagiarize this…
I’ve never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I’ve never seen you shine so bright
You were amazing
I’ve never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled, It took my breath aaaaaa-way
I have never had such a feeling
Such a feeling of compleeeeete and utter love, as I do tonight
The way you look tonight
I never will forget, the way. you. look… tonight.
The lady in reeeehhhh- err… umm.. The End.
<whisper>I love you.</whisper>