Rat cells in a Petri dish successfully fly F-22

by The Good Reverend on October 25, 2004 · 6 comments

in Sci-Tech

According to this New Scientist article, scientists have successfully extracted brain cells from a rat, glued them to gold electrodes in a Petri dish, hooked them up to the controls of a virtual F-22 fighter jet, and flown it.  To which Dr. Moreau responded, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph – that’s some f#%^ed up s%*t right there.”

Yes, using grant dollars from the Evangelical Christian Political Ammunition Fund, a government science fund set up to convince “swing voters” that The End is indeed “Nigh”, researchers at the U. of Florida managed to get an “array of 25,000 interconnected neurons” to measure flight conditions and correct the plane’s flight path accordingly.

Project lead, Thomas DeMarse:

I just have to give a great amount of credit to the whole research team for seeing this through.  I mean, first there was PETA.  Then there were the conspiracy nuts that got this wacky notion that brain cells being used to form computers that could operate military weaponry was somehow more proof of “The New World Order”.  And then some Jesus freaks caught wind of the tests and started with their “offense against Creation” business.  Hell, God Himself even stepped in, sending hurricane after hurricane right at the lab.. and then of course there were the Visions.  But you know what?  Fuck Him.  Keep it up and He’ll find me using snail DNA to fly missiles up His Ass.  I am God here!!!”

If the Nobel committee ever creates a Mother Nature Date Rape category, I think we have ourselves a nominee.

  • Reddit
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • LinkedIn
  • RSS
  • StumbleUpon
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • Posterous
  • Tumblr
  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/shadwstalkr Shadow Stalker

    This just goes to show that rats would be top notch pilots, if only they could hold the stick.  We need to start a campaign to make jets rat-friendly.  The Armed Forces need to stop discriminating against possible members on the basis of species, or the possession of opposable thumbs.  Recruiting from the burgeoning vermin population would ease the strain on our extended military forces.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    i can’t wait to see the armed forces ads directed toward the rat demographic.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    I have three pet rats, Noodles, Zippers, and Cecilia.  I wouldn’t allow them to go, even if it would increse their chances of getting into a good college.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    they wouldn’t have to go.  Just their brain cells.  The brain is always the first to go when you enter the military. (Flyboy’s going to give me hell for that one smile )

  • fatboypartridge

    military rodents?

    as if little girls weren’t scared enough.


    “nonsense, dear, it’s just a little harmless thing.


  • TheGunTotingLiberal

    This is like the movie Terminator. Computers start taking over… and Arnold is in another movie… SSHIIIIIIIIIITTTT!!!

Previous post:

Next post: