A Member of Bush’s Voter Base

by The Good Reverend on November 3, 2004 · 12 comments

in News,Stupid People

An msnbc story reports that a man at the zoo in Taipei was injured today when he purposely leaped into the lion’s exhibit and called on the animals to renounce their heathen ways and convert to Christianity.

You read that correctly.  The lions (who are Zoroastrian like much of their species) promptly attacked the man.  Go figure – a 1000 pound carniverous cat attacking an idiot waving an f-ing bible in their faces.  I have attacked people for the same, and I am neither 1000 pounds nor have the sharp, pointy teeth.

I have to say, I am really becoming frustrated with natural selection.  How did this guy make it to adulthood?  Come on, Evolution.  Get the lead out.

At this time, I would like to draw fundamentalist Christians’ attention to a terrible problem in these United States.  I have noticed a sharp decline in Christian values amongst America’s large, carniverous animal populations.  I mean, when is the last time you saw a grizzly bear, mountain lion, or perhaps a pack of wolves in church on Sunday morning?  I am concerned, as should you be.

Please do your part for Jesus.  Grab a Bible and a picnic lunch (the scent will attract the heathens to you!) and head out into your American wilderness!  Please make sure to do this before the next round of elections.  And in those final moments when you are..umm, “converting” your predat- err, new friend of Jesus – to the ways of the Lord, just remember – you are doing your part to save America.

Thanks to Aunt Weezy for the find

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  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    Oh, come on, now.  Every true God-fearing Christian knows that animals have no souls!

  • Just Plain Bob

    a little known fact: scholars have recently discovered that the bible predates Tolkein, possibly by as many as 25-30 years!

    and this article forced me to picture Bush (will ferrel) attacking the devil-horse (is it a bear? maybe a puma?) in that commercial previously posted here.

    i’m not using english well tonight.


    Well anyway.

    Insert articulate response to generalizations about Christians, etc, etc.

    We’re not all idiots, etc, etc.

    And we DO have a pack of wolves in my congregation.

    They’re the Larson family and they’re very nice.

    They even take care of those babies who cry during service.

  • Just Plain Bob

    what, you don’t think i’m tired of that too?

    heck, i get people trying to shove their Christian beliefs down my throats all the time.

    Honestly, the way i see it: Christian means you believe in Jesus. He came, he was the son of God, he got nailed to a cross, he was a sacrifice slightly more valuable than a sheep, and it was enough to buy the rest of us outta needing to slaughter any more animals to stay on God’s good side.

    You believe that, you’re Christian.

    end of story.

    homosexuality, abortions, whatever else.. that’s all side stuff. that’s all for arguing about when you’re done figuring out what you believe.

  • http://360.yahoo.com/razorfine_review Thundarr

    Looks like we’ve actually gotten the Christians to throw themselves to the lions.  Finally progress!

  • Pragmatist

    Heh wouldnt it be funny to watch a serious debate over the notion that animals have souls.  Personally I live just fine without a soul. 

    And just to state a point the bible does forbid same sex, um sex.  But your right it doesnt talke about marrage.  In fact how many wives did Noah and all those old dudes have?

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Of course, what you’re not mentioning is that the no-gay-sex line in the bible is located smack dab in the middle of Leviticus, which is the mother of all no-no lists.  So if you’d like to quote the bible on why gays are bad, you’d probably better stop planning on enjoying pork, shellfish, and a whole list of other fun rules and regs.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    yeah, and right above the frozen lake on the 9th circle is a small, very tastefully decorated “shrimp-loving homos” section.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Shrimp loving homos. That’s our new band name, GR.

  • Pragmatist

    oh yes alpha, and two points to you for knowing what book heh.  There is also the part where men are suppost to shave their heads while women cant cut their hair.  What an excellent point to show that while the fundies claim that they follow the bible strictly, they still end up picking and chosing.  There is also a passage in the new testement that tells slaves to be happy as they obey their masters, or for a father to kill his son if his son badmouths him.  I dunno I still find it strange that so many people consider the bible a good source of ideals and principles.

  • Just Plain Bob

    Yes, yes, there’s a lot of crazy stuff in the bible.

    we’re still trying to sort all that stuff out, to make a generlization.

    any specific questions you’d like answered? c’mon, free shots at a Jesus freak. who’s first?

  • Just Plain Bob

    philadelphia is like a freakin’ religious PARADISE, then.

  • Just Plain Bob

    Acts of Gord is always a good thing because sarcastic canadians make everyone happy.

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