Dear Conservative, Moral Americans:

by alphamonkey on November 10, 2004 · 16 comments

in Stupid People

I know your day is pretty much chock full of getting fired up with Jeebus, worrying about gay marriage, and drinking deep and long from the tax dollar teat of those godless liberal bastard states, so how do you find the time to keep abreast of Hollywood’s latests traitorous acts and coddling of terrorists and degenerates?  Where can you go to be told what products, stations, movies, and companies you should boycott because they offend your delicate sensibilities? 

Thank goodness Patriotic Americans Boycotting Anti-American Hollywood is here to help! From boycotting the world feared terrorist Ed Asner to making sure Teri Garr never makes a movie again, PABAAH can help you decide how best to not spend your dollars, freeing up your valuable time for more bible study and ceaselessly toiling for your Republican overlords!

Spock says NO MORE to Teri Garr, terrorist!

*Update: Teri Garr: Mission accomplished! Yah, America!

(Try not to realize that most of the companies we wish to boycott are owned by Republicans!)

To spare you the ignoble honor of having to register, I faithfully submitted my own gay-loving, godless e-mail account to bring you the complete list of whom and what you should boycott.  Don’t be bothered with little things like reasons, logic, or a sense of satire/humor.  Just faithfully boycott anything produced by anyone on the list. (click extended for list)

The following celebrities have betrayed America during its time of need

and are on a boycott list being circulated…

Their products will not be purchased, we will support them no longer!

F. Murray Abraham

Pedro Almodovar

Robert Altman

Jennifer Aniston

Gillian Anderson

Christina Applegate

Ed Asner

Kevin Bacon

Marcia Ball

Alec Baldwin

The Barenaked Ladies

Drew Barrymore

Kim Basinger

Kathy Bates

The Beastie Boys

Warren Beatty

Harry Belafonte

Eric Benet

Sandra Bernhard

Mary J Blige


Peter Boyle

Beau Bridges

Jackson Browne

Jim Carrey

Stockard Channing

Chevy Chase


Don Cheadle

Margaret Cho

Jill Clayburgh

David Clennon Clooney

Glen Close

Ben Cohen of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream

Paula Cole

Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs

Chris Cooper

Peter Coyote

James Cromwell

Sheryl Crowe

Alan Cumming

Joan Cusak

John Cusak

Matt Damon

Tyne Daley

Geena Davis

Ossie Davis

Rosario Dawson

Jonathan Demme

Judy Dench

Johnny Depp

Leonardo DiCaprio

Ani DiFranco

The Dixie Chicks

Vincent D’Onofrio

Ileana Douglas

Richard Dreyfuss

David Duchovny

Olympia Dukakis

Kirsten Dunst

Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit

Charles S. Dutton

Steve Earle

Roger Ebert

Hector Elizondo

Cary Elwes


Mike Farrell

Mia Farrow

Laurence Fishburne

Jane Fonda

Harrison Ford

Al Franken

Brendan Fraser

Peter Gabriel

Janeane Garafalo

Teri Garr

Richard Gere

Greg Germann

Melissa Gilbert

Danny Glover

Elliott Gould

Hugh Grant

Melanie Griffith

Robert Guillaume

Jake Gyllenhaal

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Larry Hagman

Marcia Gay Harden

Woody Harrelson

Ed Harris

Ethan Hawke

Selma Hayek

Dustin Hoffman

Ron Howard

Helen Hunt

Anjelica Huston

Chrissy Hynde

Natalie Imbruglia

Jeremy Irons

Peter Jackson

Samuel L. Jackson

Elton John

Jane Kaczmarek

Melina Kanakaredes

Casey Kasem

Maynard Keenan (Tool)

Nicole Kidman

Stephen King

Ben Kingsley

Sally Kirkland

Nathan Lane

Jessica Lange

Anthony Lapaglia

Queen Latifah

Heath Ledger

Spike Lee

Annie Lennox

Tea Leoni

Joana Lumley

Kelly Lynch


Wendie Malick

Camryn Manheim

Rob Marshall

Chris Martin of the band Coldplay/Mr. Paltrow

Marsha Mason

Dave Matthews

Sir Ian Mckellan

John Cougar Mellencamp

Natalie Merchant


Julianne Moore

Esai Morales

Alanis Morissette

Shelly Morrison

Viggo Mortensen

Willie Nelson

Randy Newman

Nick Nolte

Ed Norton

Chris Noth

Rosie O’Donnell

Ed O’Neill

Ozzy Osbourne

Al Pacino

Gwyneth Paltrow

Sarah Jessica Parker

Alexandra Paul

Sean Penn

Barry Pepper

Jeremy Piven

CCH Pounder

Jonathan Pryce

(REM)Peter Buck and Michael Stipe

Bonnie Raitt

Robert Redford

Lou Reed

Carl Reiner

Rob Reiner

Eric Roberts

Julia Roberts

Tim Robbins

Linda Ronstadt

Carlos Santana

Susan Sarandon

Anabella Sciorra

Jane Seymour

Martin Sheen

Martin Scorsese

Tony Shalhoub

Kevin Spacey

Bruce Springsteen

Howard Stern


Oliver Stone

Sharon Stone

Marcia Strassman

Meryl Streep

Barbara Streisand

Loretta Swit

Jay Thomas

Heather Thomas

Emma Thompson

Uma Thurman

Marisa Tomei

Lily Tomlin

Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam

Andrew Lloyd Webber

Will Wheaton

Bradley Whitford

James Whitmore

Robin Williams

Alfre Woodard

Noah Wyle

Michael York

Neil Young

Renee Zellweger

Imports From:




Lions Gate


AMC Canadia.n Multi-Cinema Inc.

Regal Cinemas (UA, Hoyts)

Loews Cineplex Corporation

Landmark Theaters

Cinemark USA

Century Theatres Inc.

Signature Theatres

John Kerasotes Theaters

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  • Just Plain Bob


    It’s good to see at least HALF of Ben&Jerry’s escaped the wrath of God unscathed.

    I’m just curious, whose God exactly is condemning these people?

    It certainly isnt’ mine.

    Can we add a disclaimer? Please?

    “The opinions expressed by these ultra-conservatives do not necessarily represent the opinions of God, or anyone else who has anything to do with anything of any important, ever.”

  • Just Plain Bob




    I saw “jeebus” and went into “oh crap, what are conservative idiot people claiming I believe NOW?” mode.

    the previous post does not represent the opinions of me when i’ve had sleep, and aren’t severely ill.

  • Shadow Stalker

    “Ben Cohen of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream”

    How are you supposed to boycott him?  Just eat half the carton?

  • .alphamonkey.

    Eat around the good bits.

  • The Good Reverend

    the “good bits” are made out of Ben Cohen??  No WONDER it’s so delicious!

  • .alphamonkey.

    It’s also Kosher!

  • Shadow Stalker

    That depends on how we kill him.

  • Pragmatist

    There is something very disturbing about this list.  Maybe its because I dont have a right wing christian bone in my body but what exactly have the people on this list done?  I mean Bono? Sting?  Is it just a ‘I dont agree with the way you think so Im gonna work to silence you?’ I detest the ideals of the christian right, but I think they should still be allowed their voice. 

    Very disturbing though either way.

  • Thundarr

    Whatever you do, don’t turn the other cheek if you percieve you have been wronged by another.  Hell that’s something Jesus might do!

    I also think it’s quite funny that a group of supposedly patriotic Americans are part of a group that includes the phrase “Anti-American” What’s the matter people, were you all out of irony?

  • Just Plain Bob

    (has it been a week?)

    die, Goggy.

    i LIKE pbs.

  • Goggy

    JP Bob, I’m not sure why I wrote PBS because it is my bastion of relief from mindless network drivel. And NPR is my only pre-programmed radio button.

    I must have been deleriously angry after reading, line by line, the ‘boycott’ list. A TRUE conservative would NEVER watch PBS! They think Sesame Street is too inclusive.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    true repubs hate pbs because it’s wasted tax dollars. that and it helps spawn that whole “thinking” thing or having a positive self esteem. true conservatives know that you can purchase all the self esteem and intellegence anyone could need. or they can pray to a gawd for it.

  • Just Plain Bob

    true republicans value high-class american TV, as Fox’s television line-ups prove…

    “When Pets Attack!”

    “True Secrets of UFO Attacks; COMPLETELY TRUE, WE SWEAR!”


    “Quick, Give Me a New Life To Mess Up!”

    “Let’s Lie To Normal People And See If We Can Make Them Cry!”

    and, coming this spring, the new reality TV show: “Diagnosis Swap!”

    Where participants will be TOLD they’re being videotaped for a documentary on medical resident students, and in REALITY, they and a completely random stranger have had their diagnoses transposed! Thrill to unecessary Chemotherapy! Bite your nails as we see if Jane will survive the triple amuptation she doesn’t really need! Please watch our worthless garbage!

  • Shadow Stalker

    “Quick, Give Me a New Life To Mess Up!”

    “Let’s Lie To Normal People And See If We Can Make Them Cry!”

    Haha, so true!

  • Just Plain Bob

    Web crawling for hilarious stuff isn’t that difficult (though I’ll admit, the Transbuddhists do it better than the majority of normal humans).

    The hard part is being so incredibly stupid that we have something to laugh at. And that’s all up to people like PABAAH.

    To quote somebody or other, “we can’t make this stuff up, people.”

  • starrgzer3

    No problem hating Teri Garr here. She makes me feel ill. Johnny Depp on the other hand… Well…

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