PETA: Still legally insane.

by alphamonkey on November 18, 2004 · 39 comments

in Stupid People

run, puppy! run!

Oh, PETA! You’ve made us all laugh in the past with your demands that death row inmates receive vegatarian last meals, your goofy, stupid protests, and your ability to get B-grade stars to pose almost nude.

But when you decide that a viable ad campaign is “Fish Have Feelings, too!”?  I don’t care how many times you saw “Finding Nemo”, but there is nothing in this world that could persuade me that fish are any smarter or self-aware than say, a soggy pretzel.

And frankly, fish is just plain tasty eatin’.  Fried, raw, grilled, sauteed, or shredded up and cooked with lime. Yummers!  Screw you, PETA. You just decided my lunch menu.

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  • olivesmarch4th

    Look, I happen to like fishies (to watch and to eat.) But a “Fish Empathy Project”?  Gimme a break.  It doesn’t take a scientist to see that fish are dumb as posts.  They’ll die if you feed them too much, for Christ’s sake.

  • alternatego

    Agreed.  Don’t plants just eat whatever rubs up on their roots as well?

    “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” – JH

  • .alphamonkey.

    Another fun quote:

    I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.“ – E. Whitney Brown.

  • Thundarr

    You know I thought was a little to rough on PETA, but I’ve changed my mind.  Fuck you PETA, Fuck you with a Whale’s Cock up your sissy ass.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    damn you ben franklin for leading me to think that fish don’t have feelings. my peta dig up your grave and squirt their liquid vegan shit all over you.

    having been hardcore vegan for 9 whole months of my life(thank you becky for that wonderful experience), I think peta should stick to their real selling points. It’s obvious no one cares about animal feelings, when then are eating. stick to how nasty hormones pumped into our food is messing us up, and how inefficient it is to feed animals tons of grain that could have fed 10 of millions of people instead of a million people w/ meat(that fed off the grain).

    but then again…a juicy rare ribeye brought me back to the carnavor side.  and let me tell you after about 3 months of no meat, your body quits producingthe enzyme that dissolves it. but, that ribeye was still one of the most stimulating times of my life… even the after effect.

  • olivesmarch4th

    My theory is, if animals do it to one another… it must be totally beyond the scope of moral reasoning, and just a fact of life.  I do, however, oppose to the horrible treatment of animals before they are killed… but I oppose even more the ridiculous and rude lengths to which PETA will go to get its ideas across.

  • Shadow Stalker

    Animals rape eachother too.

  • olivesmarch4th

    Point taken.

  • Captain Seafart

    I’m proud of you Fealty. Way to re-join the ranks of the Carnivirous. We’ll accept you back without question.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    that was the best steak going down, coming up, and squirting out.

    these PETA people need to be in a monastary or something. do you know how hard it is to avoid everything made from animals. jesus you can’t even take most medicine because of gelatin. or chew gum(the powder stuff between the wrapper is either gelatin or ground rock) and I like ground up bone.

  • Shadow Stalker

    “Fish are so misunderstood because they’re so far removed from our daily lives,” said Karin Robertson, 24, the Empathy Project manager and daughter of an Indiana fisheries biologist. “They’re such interesting, fascinating individuals, yet they’re so incredibly abused.”

    Wanna bet she got stoned and watched The Incredible Mr. Limpit last week?

    I like how the news site made the National Fisheries Institute a working link but not the PETA campaign.

  • mrcookieface

    Fish are dumb.

    I set my fish on the floor across the room from the aquarium, and it couldn’t even find its way home.  So it died.

  • .alphamonkey.

    It ain’t a pet if you can’t hug it.

  • The Good Reverend

    Oh come on… Camille’s a pet.

  • .alphamonkey.

    No, no. *I* can hug Camille. So she’s only a pet to me. To everyone else she’s a horrible hell-beast bent on their destruction.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    perfectly edible tits n ass

  • .alphamonkey.

    Uh…I’m not into the cannablizing thing.

  • Shadow Stalker

    Oh, it’s not cannibalism if you don’t swallow?

  • The Good Reverend

    I think everyone should ban together and eat PETA members.  Kind of a double entendre “fuck you” to ‘em.

  • Shadow Stalker

    You have to wrap them in fur first.

  • .alphamonkey.

    Do I get to hit them with meat tenderizers?

  • bulletproof

    the fact that fish may feel , or animals may experience feelings is a moot point. Man is a part of nature and should not be ashamed of his place in it. The Peta crowd just can’t wrap their head around that concept. They are not comftarble playing their part in the circle of life . and death. Well, every where else in nature , if you arent a predator, you are prey. They should thank their walking upright forefathers that things played out the way they did otherwise they may have been looking out of bovine peepers looking at a crowd of people just like them and thinking, “Crap, these guys are the only guys I have in my corner, wheres the Johnny Cochranes of the vegan crowd”

  • you should die

    you’re one sick mother fucker.
    i hope you know that all of you that agree with this bullshit are all going to rot in hell.
    and you’re all pieces of shit.

  • .alphamonkey.

    Who…..who are you talking to?

  • Andrew DeGolyer

    Can you send him a t-shirt or a free video or something for latest retort….EVER!?! Plus name calling is a very valid form of debate.

  • Captain Obvious

    Vegetarians don’t eat meat.

  • sakopoo

    They sure don’t.

  • Flu-Bird

    If the animals could say anything to PETA it would be to call them HPOTCRITS and IDIOTS of which of course they are and so is the hollywood wackos who support them including ALEC BALDWIN and PAMELA ANDERSON

  • Nickle

    I only feel compassion for animals that aren’t delicious.

    Or the cute ones, if they aren’t extremely delicious. I have a reference chart and everything.

  • .alphamonkey.

    Is there some kind of Venn diagram you have going that measures eye/head size to body ratio to determine cuteness? Or do you factor in actions?

    What if you found out that kittens taste like butter pecan ice cream? Would all bets be off?

  • Nickle

    There’s an entire scientific process, it’s more complicated than the BCS. Physical cuteness and the cuteness of an animals actions both factor in, and are weighed against the animals taste, texture, and my personal hunger. Many of the kittens I’ve eaten were ugly, but the meat was also tough and had a strange aftertaste. Therefore, a kitten must be extremely ugly, or I must be very hungry, before I eat its flesh. Though if you happen to find a breed of kitten that tastes like butter pecan ice cream, let me know and I can enter it into the database.

    There are a few problems; in essence you are running these algorithms on hearsay (what other people say the animal tastes like), or you are required to sample the animal in question in order to arrive at a conclusion. As far as I know, though, it’s the best formula available for this kind of decision.

  • .alphamonkey.

    Well then I shall offer you this: Platypus tastes JUST LIKE an Orange Dreamsicle, but only when pan roasted with mango chutney.

  • Flu-Bird

    PETA completly stupid and unreasonible bunch of freakin hippies why dont they all return to the planet of FREAKUS IV where they came from

  • Flu-Bird

    PETA is totaly unreasonible and 99/44 and 100% stupid and anyone who has anything to do with PETA is ether stupid of just plain foolish

  • Flu-Bird


  • http://t Flu-Bird

    PETA was putting out how to rscue mice from glue traps and make pets out of them AND THE MOUSE TIES UP THE PETA DIP-WAD AND INVITES ALL THE OTHER MICE AS WELL AS THE RATS,STARLINGS PIGEONS,SPARROWS in for a big feast and dance on the PETA iiots chest

  • John Massey

    PETA people should be tarred and feathered or shot. They serve no purpose in a practical society and thus the laws of nature will eventually get rid of these lowlifes via natural selection. They have helped to ruin the forests and spread disease amongst deer and raccoon through they’re tireless devotion to their weak emotional sensitivities. You people are the reason the USA is sucking hard nowadays. There is a direct quote from a PETA person that states that the life of a single ant is equally as important as the life of a human child. Ok then scumbag, sacrifice your child to save an ant, because inevitably your child will kill more ants than people. I cannot begin to communicate the disdain and loathing I feel for you PETA. I abhor you. I hunt deer and other wildlife. When I kill something, I skin it and eat it. It’s actually more sanitary than eating each other’s asses, which is what you scumheels do on a regular basis with your heads up your rectums. Please die a slow and painful death, and may your children die in a car fire cause by a vegan who is dizzy behind the wheel from lack of protein. You are the scum of society comparable to terrorists. To all the PETA people, George W Bush, Dickhead Cheyney, and Barrack Obamination, may you all rot in hell. God save America.

  • Andrew DeGolyer

    John. Why so angry. You should eat something, I think your blood sugar’s getting low…

  • MavMurdoc

    I’ll turn vegetarian if every time I crave a steak, I’m allowed to kill a PETA member instead. I think it’s a fair trade!

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