Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese

by The Good Reverend on November 16, 2004 · 23 comments

in Audio Visual,News,Stupid People

I love grilled cheese sandwiches.  Not to blow my own horn, but I must say I make damned good ones.  Various cheese blends, various breads, special seasonings here and there… my grilled cheeses are f-ing the bomb.  However, I have been out of sorts at work all day, for I just found out that someone has bested me.  I found out today that there exists a grilled cheese sandwich that, 2000 years ago, gave birth to the baby Jesus.

You heard correctly!  Now if I were to try to sell one of my 10 year-old grilled cheese sandwiches on eBay, people would look at me like I was mad.  But what if my sandwich had squirted out the Son of God, Saviour of all Mankind from its cheesy loins?!  How much is that worth?!  Oddly enough, I can tell you: $13,000 at the time of this writing.  My sandwiches simply can’t compete; that sandwich is dynamite!  The most miraculous thing my sandwiches have ever done is magically make the outer layer of the roof of my mouth disappear.

By the way, the woman actually took a bite out of the sandwich before realizing its Divinity, framing it, and keeping it on her nightstand for 10 years.  Talk about your Body of Christ!  Delicious!

Hurry over there and place your bid!  btw, I’m assuming you all realize by now that there is no hope for our species.  That should be painfully and comically obvious by now.

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  • Just Plain Bob


    i swear i can hear the clippity clop, clippity clop, of 16 skeletal hooves.

  • wandering tiger

    maybe jesus was really the missing bite?? nah, that would mean catholicism doesnt make any sense….. wait a sec…

  • mrcookieface

    That looks more like Greta Garbo to me than the Virgin Mary.

  • Just Plain Bob

    Ninety nine MILLION dollars?

    what the hell. the price just keeps going up. you’d think eventually, EBay would realize “Hmm. Something is wrong here….”

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I think I may dedicate this weekend to replicating this w/ a stencil, butter, and a blowtorch… and finally my brother jebus fanatical wife will know I’m the next chosen one.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    not only did she take a bite off the virgin mary side, she ate teh whole other half! is that side less divine? this sandwich is so englightened that it also didn’t mold or discolor either!

    all hail the cheese


    I saw this on the news last night. The lady who owns it is missing all of her front teeth.

    I got a kick out of that.

  • Shadow Stalker

    I say we etch the holy mother into a frying pan and print some cheesy cash.

  • Just Plain Bob

    missing all her front teeth?

    that must be why she hasn’t eaten the sandwhich.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    first experiment for the jesus(I gotta stick w/ my man JC) grilled cheese was marginally successful. I’m thinking a spray butter w/ a lower flashpoint might help the browning in localized area. but I may have to dip into my paint brushes. also wrapping a stencil in foil worked way better than I thought and didn’t burn up immediately.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    all my jesus’s look like danzig… I’m switching to butter from wisconsin… I figure that’s a holy state.

  • Just Plain Bob

    try spray-butter… like PAM or something.

    butter in a can HAS to be SOME sort of holy object.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    design #2 came from stippling(sp) tin foil for a template and then squirting this crap through my stencil.

    I’m htinking if I really wanted to mass produce these bastards I’ll have to form a heavier metal template. right now I think my major hold up is the design. I needs to go back to school for drawring…. and the art girls.

    sadly enough I used this idea as a bs convo piece this weekend and this girl absolutely dug it… so now I’m really scared

  • Just Plain Bob

    hey man.

    you know what the Grilled Cheese Gospel says.

    “Question not what gets ye into yon female’s pants,

    for ye shall see that it is good.”

  • fealty2dahriyah

    she can’t be any worse than the psychopaths or the squares I’ve dated lately. I either get the mental patient who wants no one to talk to me so she steals my phone(and it’s the only way to talk to me) or I get the girl who thinks that a little buddha is like smoking crack and taking doses at the sametime. or the girl who opens up too quickly, tells you she is a gusher in the sack and then freaks out.

    she does fit the bill: artistic, offkilter, interested in my diversions, and likes microbrew.

  • Just Plain Bob

    sounds like a winner, man.

    don’t forget your wizard hat and robe.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I have reached all new lows….

    now if my gamer buddy loses his virginity I know it’s the end of the world….

  • Zac, Cierra Chris

    grlled cheese mary faced is cool. baby girl, okwell alright were on tSHRITS!!!!!!! your jealous don’t worry were gonna make tshirts of yoiur FACE of grilled on the back of the Tshirt

    <3 were big fans and we like your tSHORt

    PS who is your make up artsit!!! : (

  • Just Plain Bob


    i know i say this too often, but,


  • elkciN

    You have no idea.

    Seriously, I have nightmares about that comments section. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it’s like every forgotten vowel is a knife to my heart.

  • elkciN
  • .alphamonkey.

    Way to break the formatting Mr. I left the ‘a’ out of ‘a href’.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    whoa… nearly forgot about this place… how is everyone

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