December 2004

Remember kids, plan your New Year’s countdown partner ahead of time. Buddha knows who you’ll end up standing next to come kissin’ time. 

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Help Wanted

by ShadowStalker on December 31, 2004

in Uncategorized

I was looking through the want ads, hoping to find that last Bea Arthur nipple clamp to complete my collection, when I ran across this little ad:

Unfortunately, I am a registered wanksta, but I thought someone else might meet the requirements.

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by alphamonkey on December 31, 2004 · 8 comments

in Diversions

Okay, I’m confused. So they’re mascots for a Mario game. So why the scared faces? What’s going on here, folks? Only YOU can let us know. Caption away.

Everything was fun and games until Yuri and the girls realized the Mario eggs were beginning to hatch. 

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Ever go to the bank and wonder why we humans have never invented a huge tube system to travel by? Me niether, but these people have. Now, I’m not know for my knowlege of physics, math, or really even reality. What I do know is that it seems scarey that the tube just stop in the picture. I sure hope people don’t shoot out of the end. I know you guys are going to have all kinds of questions, such as “What happens if the tube breaks and loses preassure”?, but never fear, they have an FAQ. Enjoy

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Well, don’t look here. This guy has made some insanely detailed costumes based off of Transformers and Gundams. Neat!

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I’m beginning to believe that otherwise reputable scientists don’t watch enough sci-fi movies.  After the monkey powered robotic arm and rat brain jet flying experiments, it seems that some other scientists have built a robot that powers itself by eating flies.  At the research site, there’s even a ‘movie’ of the machine in ‘action’. I place that in quotes because it’s boring enough to qualify as neither a movie nor action packed in my book.

Folks, I don’t know how many times I have to say this to get my point across: DO NOT BUILD ROBOTS THAT ARE POWERED BY FLESH AND MEAT.  Color me kook, but to me that’s a blindingly obvious statement akin to saying don’t put a hot iron directly on your naked crotch.  I know we’d like to think that our robotic buddies are all helpful and polite, but just how long do you think it’ll take the cold hard logic of the machines to reach the conclusion that “flies(5 hours of running time) < Lil’ Billy(400 hours of running time)” ?  Before you know it, you’re fighting a not-so-seXXXy battle royale with your toaster oven just to get a gawdamn strudel in the morning. 

Isn’t there ONE guy on staff whose job it is to point out what even a 6 year old kid knows is a bad idea?  If not, shouldn’t that be some kind of federal requirement for grant money?

I mean just imagine the trouble that’d be avoided.

Naive Scientist #1: I’ve built a robotic, self-controlled lawnmower that runs on steak! Think of the gas savings!

Naive Scientist #2: Sweet! Nobel Prize, here we come! Think of all the slide rules we could buy with a million smackers!

Level Headed Civilian: Dudes. That’s totally retarded.  Why not just build a blender that runs on fingers?

Naive Scientist #1: Saaaaaaaaaay….

Level Headed Civilian then proceeds to smack the shit out of the scientists and then explains to them the plot to Terminator 1, 2, and 3, as well as the Tom Selleck “classic” Runaway.  Perhaps he’ll force them to watch Westworld for good measure, and yet another scientific catastrophe will be averted. 

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I’ll admit it. I deeply, deeply desire an iPod. Which is kinda stupid when you think about it, since I don’t leave the house much and I’m on of those THX computer speaker nerds. (Me likey the sound).  Mayhap U2’s infectious commercial is all it takes to get my consumer muscle twinging with need and want.

Oh well, for those of you that HAVE ipods, here’s a fun little hack page to show you how to beef up it’s recording capabilities.

After the nuclear apocalypse, all that was left of Susan was a rockin’ shadow. 

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Rather insignifigant in the face of of a death toll that could very well reach 100,000, but Susan Sontag, Jerry Orbach, and Hank Garland have all died along with our collective ability to think, solve crimes, and rock. 

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Uh, I don’t know how to sum this one up.  It starts off going in one direction (albeit a very strange one) and then just freaks out and heads to WTF? land.  Fun stuff nonetheless!

Give in to the Dark Side and click the pic, young Jedi.

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Unreal, this guy. (nsfw – language)

But people, there is a very easy solution to the predicament this driver is in.  We here at Transbuddha want to make sure your commute home from work is a safe one.  So here’s a quiz.  If you are the driver in this video, what is the correct way to resolve this situation?

A.  Stay in your car, backing up and pulling forward, waiting for an exit while this guy beats the holy hell out of your car.

B.  Get out of the car and try to reason with the man.  “Kind sir, I think you may be mistaking me for someone el– OH MY GOD!!!!  MY HEAD!!  THE PAIN!!!!  AGGGHH HE’S BEATING ME INTO A COMA!!!”

C:  Get out of the car and try to kick his ass..  “That’s my car!  You piece of s@$t I’m going to beat the fu–AGGGH MY HEAD!!!  I DIDN’T REALIZE HE WAS ALL HOPPED UP ON CRACK AND HAS A BLUNT METAL INSTRUMENT – ARRRRRGGGGHH!!  THE PAIN!!  HE’S BEATING ME INTO A COMA!!!”

D:  Realize that, albeit a Ford Festiva, you still have at your disposal 1000 lb. blunt metal instrument.  Repaint the sidewalk with him.

Pssst!  It’s D!

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