Fine Spinoffs Abound

by ShadowStalker on December 23, 2004 · 6 comments

in Entertainment,Stupid People

Joanie Loves Chachi.  Joey.  Frasier.  These characters were not only popular in their wildly popular original series, they were also major characters with long story arcs.  The five people that saw Daredevil will remember that Elektra was a minor character who had maybe four scenes before she died.  Yet, somehow her breasts have earned a spinoff.

The tagline for the movie is right.  Whenever I see this trailer I die a little inside.  I don’t have anything against Jennifer Garner, per se, but I don’t understand how she’s suddenly an action hero just because she’s kind of hot in different costumes and has a cinematographer that knows how to make her “martial arts” not look completely like a big steaming pile of Alphamonkey shit.  The fights in Daredevil made Gymkata look like Fists of Legend.  Above all she had almost no role in the movie before dying.  Why does she get a spinoff?

So if you’re feeling a little too happy today, watch the trailer.  It’s on Apple’s site, because I couldn’t bring myself to put it on ours.

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  • .alphamonkey.

    I know it’s completely unreasonable, but I hate Jennifer Garner with the kind of passion I reserve for hating hippies, goths, and Phil Collins.

    Yeah, she’s pretty-ish. But those lips look like someone surgically implanted a set of wax lips on her as a cruel joke and the whole damn world fell for it.

    I think was really pisses me off is her TV show. She’s supposed to play some superspy that always dresses in the most flamboyant way possible for the situation. Isn’t the point of spying to be inconspicuous and easy to forget? Does no one in the world have a camera that could record her intensely distinct face?

    Oh yeah, and it bothers me that she’s supposed to be such a bad ass martial artist. Hello? Eat a sandwich or something, Miss Pretzel Stick Arms! She’d shatter her own forearm before doing any damage to someone.

  • Thundarr

    so monkey’s bought his ticket already (who ya’ kidding you paid money to see the Punisher).  I still say Daredevil is good, but even I’m not going to try and defend this.  And Alias is stupid, we’re talking Bush sending troops to Iraq stupid.  Everytime they advertise it she’s in 8 different wigs and outfits and in all of them she looks like Jennifer Garner.  Super spy my ass, hell Shaggy and Scooby were better at disguises.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    she’s a disease, and yet over the course of years of having her picture flashed in front of me millions of times and telling me how perfect, and sassy hot she is… I now believe it. I don’t watch her show, but I have the feeling I could w/ it muted and in slow motion. but then again I feel that way about… kirsten dunce too. damn you mary jane

    but before we get into how bad or how ugly she is. shouldn’t the first order be to figure out why the hell they picked electra? they could have gone silver sable, black cat, spiderwoman… jean grey(oh famke jensen… oh god yes)… hell the list goes on and on.

    my guess is that hollywood tries to find the either the most superspecial extraordinary or they find the 1-off freak, that’s really very human.

    and how many times are they going to remake punisher?

  • Thundarr

    The problem with the Punisher is he’s just not a great hero/anti-hero, whatever.  He’s Rambo (in Rambo III), or Arnold (from Commando), or Jean Claude Van Damme (from anything) it’s just not a very cinematic character.  He’s not Batman or Spiderman, hell he’s not even Ice-Man, he’s just a guy who shoots at people with automatic weapons (at least Green Arrow has some skill, he uses a bow!) He’s really more of a mediocre action hero than a comic book character.  And unless the script is really, really, really well done than Hollywood will never even make a mediocre Punisher movie (I don’t think a good one is possible).

  • fealty2dahriyah

    as far as bland superpeople… superman ranks the highest. one weakness and it’s not even sex or women. he’s got no flaws, unless you count superman3. hell, i think the only power he doesnt have is to see the future.

    punisher might as well be renamed vendetta.but, see what makes this bearable to watch is seeing how he gets his butt outta slings from his flaws. characters that have quirks, usually are entertaining. or it at least gives the plot something to drive off of.

    good gawd they are doing a capn america movie too arnt they… ugh no wonder I just do netflix and burn this junk.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    when will hollywood learn… if it’s scifi you just have everyone w/ outfits painted on.

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