Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!

by alphamonkey on December 2, 2004 · 35 comments

in Sexuality,Stupid People

Since our Supreme Leader is giving out almost 170 million dollars to groups that teach abstinence only curriculums, maybe someone should take a look at the kind of information that’s being put out by those groups.

Oh, someone already has! Let’s take a look at some fun ‘facts’ our kids are being taught by these sex-hatin’ groups:

Who's up for a phosphate and some jitterbugging?

  • half the gay male teenagers in the United States have tested positive for the AIDS virus
  • touching a person’s genitals “can result in pregnancy,”
  • A 43-day-old fetus is a “thinking person.”
  • HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, can be spread via sweat and tears.
  • Condoms fail to prevent HIV transmission as often as 31 percent of the time in heterosexual intercourse.
  • women who have an abortion “are more prone to suicide” and that as many as 10 percent of them become sterile

Here’s my favorite:

Some course materials cited in Waxman’s report present as scientific fact notions about a man’s need for “admiration” and “sexual fulfillment” compared with a woman’s need for “financial support.” One book in the “Choosing Best” series tells the story of a knight who married a village maiden instead of the princess because the princess offered so many tips on slaying the local dragon. “Moral of the story,” notes the popular text: ”Occasional suggestions and assistance may be alright, but too much of it will lessen a man’s confidence or even turn him away from his princess.”

Fun stuff! In your face, Science & Logic!

Before anyone gets all huffy let’s just remember that 88% of kids that take ‘virginity pledges’ eventually have premarital sex and have the same rates of STDs So…does this mean that Poodle Skirts and Sock Hops are coming back into style? 

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  • fealty2dahriyah

    I love the way they always try and mix “facts” w/ theology. the only fact about the bible is that it has been passed down and around like a bancok prostitute.

    WTF is this:McIlhaney said the slide accurately describes a real, though small, risk of pregnancy in mutual masturbation.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/shadwstalkr Shadow Stalker

    Semen can be transferred on the hand.  Nearly impossible, but numbers don’t come into dogma.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I think this has the same odds of immaculate conception.

  • Pragmatist

    I suppose the abstinence only idea was well indended, but as the article said, we shouldnt lie to our kids about these issues.  Eventually we need to realize that we have to give the kids the info and trust them to act responsibly with that info. 

    I think if the real purpose was to prevent stds and teen pregnacy then there wouldnt be all the theology stuff, just practical facts and solutions.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    well because you see how well abstinence has worked for Africa and Asia.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    don’t forget about all the girls who became nuns mysteriously and the super high rate of kids put up for adoption. cuz gawd would rather us abandon our responsabilities for self loathing.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/shadwstalkr Shadow Stalker

    When will people realize that trying to scare kids out of doing something by lying to them is counter-productive.  Teenagers think nothing bad will ever happen to them.  One lie spoils all the information from a source.  ARRGH!!

  • fealty2dahriyah

    but hewey lewis told me it was hip to be square…. my life basis is all fuct now

  • http://360.yahoo.com/razorfine_review Thundarr

    Yeah, but that was only after he found his new drug.

  • http://cananopie.pitas.com Cananopie

    I mean, yea, tell your kids to hold off on sex as long as possible. But they’re fucking humans, and they’re going to do it. It’s important to explain to them the importance of not having sex, and if they’re unsure about it NOT to do it… and it’s important that if they want to have sex and they are absolutely sure about it and that hell and highwater isn’t going to stop them, it’s important to tell them to make sure their partner is tested for STDs otherwise they could get it. I’ll tell you what, all those pictures in health really make you want to stay abstinent forever… BUT those images go away after about a week… because as I said before… they’re fucking human. You make sure they’re aware and tell them that if all else fails USE PROTECTION, the more the better. That’s all we, as a society can do, it is the safest way (yes, even safer than preaching abstinence), it’s the healthiest way, look at Mexico City- they’re all catholic and hate Birth Control, so they fuck without it… and then they have illigitimate children… yea, don’t remind me, I know they’re catholic, I don’t know what they’re thinking either. Our kids need to be educated and warned. The rest is up to them because we can’t watch them 24/7. If they wanna fuck- they’re gonna. So President Bush, get your head out of your ASS and give that few million dollars back to federal funding of college students so they don’t end up having kids and being dirt poor. God I hate that man.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    I love it when you talk dirty, Canonopie. wink

  • fealty2dahriyah

    sweet finally a tirade worse than mine.

    sounds like cananopie had a stint w/ the burnies or the creepy crawlies.

    in short just teach your kids to respect themselves. that may not stop them from becoming a whore, but it may help them decide to use protection. no man whore wants to have his unit look like a french tickler.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/shadwstalkr Shadow Stalker

    It’s like not putting signs around a mine field, because anyone who jumps a fence deserves to lose a leg.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    That is a really great analogy.  I’m totally liberal about sex, as in, anything goes as long as all members are consenting adults, but the truth is it comes with such a great responsibility, and the consequences can be so powerful, that it is essential for people to be fully educated before they chose to embark on a such a journey.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    suppress the knowledge… gawd forbit we make an informed choice, jebus died so we didn’t have to make those choices.

  • Just Plain Bob

    i’m going to have to agree with shadow stalker on his rant at the idiots who spoil entire campaigns with a single lie.

    have they ever considered.. i don’t know.. telling the truth?

    “well, sure. it’s possible have sex and not conceive a child. but you still shouldn’t, because your virginity is the one thing you can only give away once, and how’s it going to sound to your wife when you tell her ‘whoops, sorry dear, i gave that one to somebody i loved less than you’…”

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    true, which is only slightly better than having to tell your new wife, “sorry I absolutely suck in bed.  But I saved it all for you.  I will try to beat ‘10 seconds’ next time, hon.”

  • fealty2dahriyah

    knowledge is semi-junk it either boosts fear or confidence. it’s all about the self realization…

    “know yourself and know your enemy, and you will win a 100 battles”

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    now if you’re planning on fighting in 1000 battles, it brings that whole maxim into question, doesn’t it.

  • http://cananopie.pitas.com Cananopie

    Yea, I know i went off, but I don’t understand how our country has been made so that the rich can still get anything they want, even if they don’t earn it. You can say Bush went to his stupid Ivy League school, but he obviously has no real life experience. Or chooses to ignore it. Just like fealty said “Suppress the knowledge,” who is he to tell people that they shouldn’t be informed? The president? hahaha. Still, it’s important to try and get our children to delay on sex as long as possible, but if they’re gonna do it, they’re gonna do it, so keep them informed of the dangers, and hope they’ll protect themselves. Pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t mean it’s not there.

    Oh, by the way, I never had or have any STD’s but those pictures in health class got your skin to crawl.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    never feel bad about ranting… it’s very american to bitch about the direction of the country. it’s also very american to not do a damn thing. to be honest this all boils down the christianities inability of tolerance. for a group that was only persecuted for a couple hundred years, they hold the monopoly of brutal conversions and intolerance. I love religion and I’ll probably sent my kid to a catholic grade school, but I’ll hopefully instill the idea that this is just a foundation for something great and to build off of it, not in it.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/shadwstalkr Shadow Stalker

    It’s just a jump to the left…

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    Don’t you mean a jump to the right?

  • Just Plain Bob

    no, no no… a step to the right.

    although, abstinence-only is traditionally pretty far to the right, anyway. wink

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/shadwstalkr Shadow Stalker

    Put your hands on your hips

  • fealty2dahriyah

    ok this is worse than a high school drama party….

    cut me off the notification

  • Just Plain Bob

    and.. uhm.. turn your knees inside?

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Gah! No Rocky Horror! No Rocky Horror!

  • Just Plain Bob

    apparently Alpha was tending to other business for the past 5 da-… WAIT A MINUTE, you’re the one who started the damn thread!

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Hahaha! I was wondering if anyone would catch that.  And yes, I’ve been berift of the Intraweb’s cool embrace for the last 5 days due to Time Warner Cable being the fucking devil. 

  • Just Plain Bob

    When i’m awake, i’m pretty perceptive. however, due to my amazing degree of kick-assery, I’ve been sleeping till 4pm consistently. This is because all my finals have been canceled, and I’m merely waiting at college to have a meeting thursday morning wherein my Heritage Of Western Thought professor, who is in fact a pirate, will supply our class with free donuts, both krispy kreme AND dunkin. At this time I will depart for my five week break, where I can justify my complete lack of productivity more easily than I’ve justified it these past four months.

    If these facts are not proof that there is a God, and that He loves me more than you, i don’t know what is.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Oh, I’ve no doubt concerning God’s superior love for you. El Dio has been kinda miffed at me ever since I put on the Montgomery Ward mailing list.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/shadwstalkr Shadow Stalker

    All finals cancelled?  Wow.  What classes were you taking?

  • fealty2dahriyah

    god is dead. I had a gloriously stupor enduced state of college for damn near 7 years.I did nothing for 50 weeks of the year, except be the best consumer I could. then he throws me to the wolves. methhead wolves to be exact… methhead truckdriving retarded beyond all practical use wolves.

    damn you bush for cutting my college funding… I loved life then.

  • Just Plain Bob

    The proof is in the donuts, my children.

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