More Stupid Science: Yet Another Flesh Powered Robot

by alphamonkey on December 31, 2004 · 1 comment

in Sci-Tech

I’m beginning to believe that otherwise reputable scientists don’t watch enough sci-fi movies.  After the monkey powered robotic arm and rat brain jet flying experiments, it seems that some other scientists have built a robot that powers itself by eating flies.  At the research site, there’s even a ‘movie’ of the machine in ‘action’. I place that in quotes because it’s boring enough to qualify as neither a movie nor action packed in my book.

Folks, I don’t know how many times I have to say this to get my point across: DO NOT BUILD ROBOTS THAT ARE POWERED BY FLESH AND MEAT.  Color me kook, but to me that’s a blindingly obvious statement akin to saying don’t put a hot iron directly on your naked crotch.  I know we’d like to think that our robotic buddies are all helpful and polite, but just how long do you think it’ll take the cold hard logic of the machines to reach the conclusion that “flies(5 hours of running time) < Lil’ Billy(400 hours of running time)” ?  Before you know it, you’re fighting a not-so-seXXXy battle royale with your toaster oven just to get a gawdamn strudel in the morning. 

Isn’t there ONE guy on staff whose job it is to point out what even a 6 year old kid knows is a bad idea?  If not, shouldn’t that be some kind of federal requirement for grant money?

I mean just imagine the trouble that’d be avoided.

Naive Scientist #1: I’ve built a robotic, self-controlled lawnmower that runs on steak! Think of the gas savings!

Naive Scientist #2: Sweet! Nobel Prize, here we come! Think of all the slide rules we could buy with a million smackers!

Level Headed Civilian: Dudes. That’s totally retarded.  Why not just build a blender that runs on fingers?

Naive Scientist #1: Saaaaaaaaaay….

Level Headed Civilian then proceeds to smack the shit out of the scientists and then explains to them the plot to Terminator 1, 2, and 3, as well as the Tom Selleck “classic” Runaway.  Perhaps he’ll force them to watch Westworld for good measure, and yet another scientific catastrophe will be averted. 

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  • Will

    I agree with you

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