Speaking of the ‘couldn’t possibly be serious’

by alphamonkey on December 15, 2004 · 42 comments

in Sexuality,Stupid People

Tamara is nice Christian girl who wants to use her hotness to save non-believers from the eternal fires of damnation!

From the site:

Not only can we date cute guys, but hopefully we can lead them to God and help them get saved them from the burning fires of Hell. I’ve outlined a few tips to help you date cute heathen guys, step-by-stepThis is so insanely wrong on so many levels.  For one, who wants to go on a date and find out it’s an Amway pitch for Heaven? Second, why all this focus on converting non-believers? Wouldn’t you rather keep heaven a little more exclusive than the Members Only line of jackets? Color me off base here, but it seems to me that evangelicals are a little too insecure in their chosen faith. After all, why else would they want to beef up their ranks if it wasn’t to keep out the nagging doubt that they may infact be terribly wrong?

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  • fealty2dahriyah

    wow does this not reek of me a few posts ago? hmmm smells like punk w/ side of hippie

    and I’m so using this line Romans 12:1 says “to offer your bodies as living sacrifices.” Since our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19), it makes sense that we should use our beautiful bodies to glorify HIS name, the Holy Spirit will work the strongest since He’s in our body, right?

    although that last part does sound a bit homo…. it just may work.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    “Thanks to Jeff for the cool pictures and setting up the store. He was my 3rd missionary date. I don’t love him anymore, but Jesus still does.”

    Whether it’s fake or not, it makes me giddy.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    OMFG check out the Products page… I’m so getting a hoody. missonary dating saved me…. fuck that’s priceless.. ok 25.99

    oh and check the forums… what a pack of dorks w/ nothing better to do than post… oh wait… damn

    gawd save me w/ a hot fanatical woman…

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Maybe she’ll learn ya to gather your thoughts into a single comment post. heh.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    Aw let him be.  Can he help it his love bubbles over and beyond just one measly post?

  • fealty2dahriyah

    but I like the buckshot of sporatic synaptic discharge that is my thought process.

    and do you really want me posting my thoughts individually? that’s why I have an enter key… or this … thingy… thingy… or is it that you want me to play nice and give others a turn…. hmmmm….

  • http://360.yahoo.com/razorfine_review Thundarr

    I agree!  Do these actually ever suceed in “saving” anyone?  And if the people are so stupid as to completely remodel thier lives on what a really gay comic strip tells them (unless it has Aquaman in it) then why all the effort?

  • fealty2dahriyah

    thundarrs been hanging out w/ frost and walking his own path.

    just go to the site

  • http://360.yahoo.com/razorfine_review Thundarr

    I’m not sure how to respond to such a nonsensical statement, but I’ll try this:  Huh?

  • fealty2dahriyah

    ok let me slow this down. a lot

    it’s obvious that you didn’t click onto the link… it had nothing to do w/ the comic strip.

    and then I added a band path less taken reference.so maybe I deserve the fate of traitors in the Inferno. or wilber in charlottes web.


    I could turn them all to the dark side.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    That would be awesome. Former good girl pr0n.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    “former good girl pr0n”

    that’s already more than covered by Catholic schoolgirls.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    what do you think freaks make themselves???

  • Just Plain Bob

    ::sigh:: WHat a freakin’ ridiculous… missionary dating is such a bad idea. There are a few places in the message boards where people bring up the points i’d be trying to make.. essentially her biggest problem is that I think she has good intentions but doesn’t realize the majority of women can’t succeed like she seems to have. the majority of women who missionary date, get screwed over in the end. Hell, even I’ve tried it, and it failed miserably.

    By advocating that women attempt this, she’s putting them in danger…

  • http://360.yahoo.com/razorfine_review Thundarr

    I agree that missonary is a bad idea.  I much prefer doggie, or reverse cowgirl.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    damnit bob, do no fuck the rest of us out of poisoning the catholic well of hotties.

    why is it the church can never let people figure things out for themselves…

  • Just Plain Bob

    a) not all christians are catholic

    b) the POINT of the church is to make it so you don’t HAVE to figure things out for yourselves.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    the POINT of the church is to make it so you don’t HAVE to figure things out for yourselves

    Like Fox News?

  • fealty2dahriyah

    if you are a christian and not catholic… you are the lunatic fringe off a lunatic fanatical fringe. plus you pick and choose retarded crap in the bible to disregard. so in essense you can’t make up your mind you might as well be agnostic.

  • Just Plain Bob

    on a slightly different level, but, yes. the point of fox news is so that you can listen to somebody you trust to bring you information, and don’t have to go get it yourself. the point of the church is that if you find a church you trust, you have someone who can bring you spiritual advice you trust, and to interpret and present the bible in a way that you trust, so you don’t have to study biblical theology yourself; this is why you have to find a church you trust.

  • PEPÉ

    Never trust a church you can trust. That is such a tease! With an offer like that, any hard up highschool lad would just collapse and scream “praise the lord”. Pimples and being 15 don’t attract beautiful girls. Now, athieism does.

    Just one more reason not to go to church. Believe in god(only god would make hot missionairies like that) , but fear religion!

    No sex before marriage. Noooooooooooooooooooo!

  • Just Plain Bob

    i don’t trust fox, i was just agreeing with Alpha.. those who watch fox news (other than for comedic value) are employing the principal i was mentioning.

    there’s plenty of good reasons for abstaining from sex before you’re married that have nothing to do with religion. i’m not getting into them, i’m already involved in too many discussions on this site.. holy crap can we PLEASE go back to making fun of stupid people? argh…

    (PS: you can tell the girl is a crock of shit, cuz Jesus loves ugly boys, too.)

  • alternatego

    I somewhat agree.  You can’t totally believe everything someone says without some standard to which to compare it, though.  But, at some point we want to rely on others to guide us.  The humanoid family is a good example.  Children need to be able to trust their parents and parents should have concern for their children and somehow help them avoid common problems.  The church should supply this sort of leadership & nurture as well, but both continue to supply misinformation – possibly a result of the emasculation of each’s respective head.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    That’s right, children SHOULD be able to… but what happens when the parents are abusive, making them believe the world is one way when it’s really another way?  The child has no way of knowing the difference, they just believe what their parents do.  But if we can look back, in retrospect, we’ll see how easy it is to be caught up in that lie.

  • http://cananopie.pitas.com Cananopie

    No way! I’m calling this site out as fake. It has to be. I refuse to believe someone is so blatantly ignorant. Not the fact that she’d want to date to “save” or whatever, I believe she’d do that… but look at some stuff she says that makes me double back and go “She did not just say that!”

    -#1) I don’t really know what her idea of “dating” is other than hanging out with her. I doubt you’d get a chance to kiss her, and if you went in for one you’d be greeted with a nice “A kiss killed your savior”… sorta kills the mood doesn’t it? Even an arm around her recieves a “Nobody is ever as close to you as Jesus”…… I mean, at this point, ANY guy who is not “Ra! Ra! God!” would be like “Do you have any OTHER interests or hobbies? Like I’m pretty sure almost every other word out of your mouth IS Jesus.” No non-christian would ever deal with that shit, I don’t care how hot they are, it’s not like she is semi-religious where it wouldn’t interfere right away, shes fucking right up there when she buys something from a vending machine she’s thinking about Jesus.

    -Also, she ADMITS to loving these men and then stop loving them as if love is like a lightswitch in any way shape or form. GRANTED I know she might believe that just being with a guy is “love” but when a guy says “I love you” shes supposed to respond with a hearty “Jesus loves you too.”

    -Here is what gets me the most though. “What happens if the person I am dating becomes a Christian?

    Praise God!!! That hasn’t happened to me yet (still just planting seeds!), but you have two choices: Dump him and start dating a better-looking nonbeliever… or keep dating the person you’re with now. I’d just see how hot he (or she) is and base the decision on that.

    The Bible says “man looks at the outward appearance; God looks at the heart.” We’re definitely not God, so just decide if your date is hot enough for you (after praying about it, of course).”

    What the HELL is that? I just don’t believe there is a mind so warped as to believing God wants man to be shallow. Every time I feel as if I can prove this site is fake, I can see that there is that glimmer of idiocy that people continue to always project onto mankind and I have to admit, this site is entirely possible… even though she’s fucking crazy.

  • Just Plain Bob

    Good save, Steve. I didn’t even consider back-checking like that.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    once again, people learn from the books, do not take them as the word of god or the ultimate truth.

    I’ll freak out if our spiritual climax was 2000 years ago. to think that some salt farmers uncovered all the spirtual knowledge and guidance is, well at the least, belittling.

  • alternatego

    Salt farmers?

  • fealty2dahriyah

    they harvested salt from dried up seas for money. hence salt farmer. would you prefer dune dweller, sand stepper, morons lost in the desert for 40 days years or whatever. no matter how you stack it basing your life off the words of a group of people, whom have done nothing but war for 2000+ years over a dusty sandy place the size of new jersey, just doesnt sound like a good plan to me.

  • Just Plain Bob

    A core tenet of the Christian faith (whether or not people actually practice it) is to love EVERYONE. And if you love someone, you want them to go to heaven, and you want them to find the happiness you’ve found. so you try to share it with them. not to mention the fact that the bible calls Christians to spread the gospel. man, i’ma have to keep a bible by the computer so i can back this stuff up more…

    the spiritual climax of our kind did not happen 2000 years ago. The world’s biggest cliffhanger did. we’re still waiting for the climax. The Jews are pretty much the same way; theoretically, they’re waiting for a Messiah. They just didn’t think he’d show up as a carpenter.. they were looking more for the knightly warrior on a steed style savior.

    and don’t fuck with new jersey, ass! wink

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Not to burst your bubble, big man, but as a Jewish messiah, our pal Yeshua was a dismal failure. You do realize that our messiah was supposed to be pretty much a warrior king, right? And that at no point was he supposed to claim himself to be the son of God. Not only did he NOT fufill any of his messianic duties, we got our asses cut off and handed to us shortly after his non-Jew-helping ministry.

  • Just Plain Bob

    consider the ramifications of his life and death, though. those jews who followed him (hereafter reffered to as “christians”) ended up being backed up by the entire roman empire. warrior-king’y enough for you?

    what messianic duties? i’ve asked every jewish person i know, and not a single one of them has any clue what they’re waiting for or what they expect the messiah to be like “just, it wasn’t jesus.” that’s all they can say.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    fyi it took around 200year for the romans to side w/ christ. remember that whole christians to lions sport.

    if you look hard enough and want something enough you will find the facts that you want to see. watch csi… maybe you can pick up on the whole evidence thing

  • fealty2dahriyah

    holy crap… you actually are defending new jersey?

    bob, L Ron Hubberd called he’s quit writing science fiction adn starting a new religion and wants you to be his spokesperson.

    1st off the messiah was to reunite the tribes, let alone the rest of the world. and he did exactly the opposite.

    2nd his return marks the end of times… and well ummm that hasnt happened.

    3rd just like black people, you have no jewish friends.

    ok I’m sick of my version here wikipedias

    * The Sanhedrin will be re-established. (Isaiah 1:26)

    * Once he is King, leaders of other nations will look to him for guidance. (Isaiah 2:4)

    * The whole world will worship the One G-d of Israel. (Isaiah 2:17)

    * He will be descended from David HaMelech (Isaiah 11:1) via Solomon (1 Chron. 22:8-10)

    * The Moshiach will be a man of this world, an observant Jew with “fear of G-d” (Isaiah 11:2)

    * Evil and tyranny will not be able to stand before his leadership. (Isaiah 11:4)

    * Knowledge of G-d will fill the world (Isaiah 11:9)

    * He will include and attract all cultures and nations (Isaiah 11:10)

    * Jews will have returned to their homeland (Isaiah 11:12)

    * He will swallow up death forever (Isaiah 25:8)

    * There will be no more hunger or illness, and death will cease (Isaiah 25:8)

    * All of the dead will rise again (Isaiah 26:19)

    * The Jewish people will experience eternal joy and gladness (Isaiah 51:11)

    * He will be a messenger of peace. (Isaiah 52:7)

    * Nations will end up recognizing the wrongs they did Israel (Isaiah 52:13-5)

    * For My House shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations (Isaiah 56:3-7)

    * The peoples of the world will turn to the Jews for spiritual guidance (Zechariah 8:23)

    * The ruined cities of Israel will be restored (Ezekiel 16:55)

    * Weapons of war will be destroyed (Ezekiel 39:9)

    * The Temple will be rebuilt (Ezekiel 40) resuming many of the suspended mitzvos

    * He will then perfect the entire world to serve G-d together, as it is written (Zephaniah 3:9)

    * Jews will know the Torah without Study (Jeremiah 31:33)

    * He will give you all the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4)

    * He will take the barren land and make it abundant & fruitful (Isaiah 51:3, Amos 9:13-15, Ezekiel 36:29-30, Isaiah 11:6-9)

    I don’t see a damn one of those fulfilled. except for the last one… he’s made the barren land abundant and fruitful… w/ fanatical terrorists…

  • fealty2dahriyah

    oh i was wrong jesus did know the torah w/o study … sorry 1 of 50… that puts me close too

  • Just Plain Bob

    Fealty, my patience with you has reached its end. I don’t take kindly to people insulting my intelligence. Yes, I am aware that Rome persecuted the Christians. View 200 years through the eyes of a being who has eternity to get things done before you open your mouth to criticize God’s timeline.

    No prophecy has a time limit. Look on a broader scale and you’ll see those prophecies being fulfilled on the long term.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Don’t make me come back there, you two. I will pull this car RIGHT OVER.

    Look fellas..it’s this simple. We’ve all got different things to help us through the days. That’s what makes this kooky, crazy, messed up, big blue marble so much fun.

    JPB isn’t pushing his faith on anyone, he’s merely defending his right to devote his energies to what he believes in and I applaud him for it. He’s been considerate and polite in the face of, let’s face it, a LOT of opposition. That’s a hell of a lot more than a lot of people can manage. We’re a big and diverse set of folk here. We’re GOING to disagree. Frankly, I encourage it. (I likey the argue.) But this isn’t the venue for conversion and no one is here for that anyway.

    In conclusion: You say to-ma-to, I say shut the hell up. Let’s put our religious differences aside and get back to making fun of hippies and morons.

  • alternatego

    That’s cool except that Christians are made fun of here alongside the hippies and morons.  If we are going to talk about prophesy, let’s not forget about Isaiah 53, which single handedly counteracts all the prophesies that f2d listed.  The Jews were given many great promises, which were conditional and which they screwed up by turning to idol worship.  Not to say that Isaiah’s promises won’t come true … they will, just not while Israel was acting such a fool.  If you want to see what a fellow Jew said about this see Peter’s comments in Acts 3:17-26

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Have you not figured out that EVERYONE is made fun of here? I don’t care what color, sex, creed, religion, or brand name you are! I’m going to poke fun at your ridiculous behavior.  Let’s just go ahead and move on to the next topic already. 

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I wasn’t insulting your intelligence, just your lack of motivation to seek answers. and it’s that which has defended my points.. especially 1, insecurity. besides you are the one who asked for points of prophecy, and then made false statements afterwards. if you read well, you would know that you can manipulate any information to defend your side or attack the opposition.

    it’s funny that believers can spit hellfire, damnation and sinner at anyone they feel and they should just take it because the majority believe in that crap. but if I hold up and illuminate the light through you swiss cheese logic, I’m offending you. what christians don’t get is they push their belief’s on everyone, and then act like they we should just accept that as the truth. that offends me, but you dont see me etching the name of your god off my money or murdering pastors because they preach a form of discrimination. i’m going to just call your hookey, just like you call all the other religious offshoots that don’t align w/ you.


  • fealty2dahriyah

    and bob. don’t take any of this personally. I believe in your right to worship anything. I don’t care if your religion or ways are benevolent, malevolent, paganistic, or orthadox. just know, I was like all of you at one time. devote. now i just realize if we had that same faith or belief in humanity and each other, we just might actually have something in common to help us all get along.

    merry fuckin christmas

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