What bastardization of nature, this?

by The Good Reverend on December 9, 2004 · 28 comments

in Uncategorized

Okay, I’ve seen this pic here and there on the web for awhile now, and still haven’t found explanation for it. 

If I had to choose between running through a killbox of Insurgent gunfire or occupying a foxhole with this monstrosity, I know which one I’m picking.  Jesus Christ in a chicken basket that thing is evil.

(pic links to larger version)

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  • Just Plain Bob

    They’re known as camel spiders, Rev. What you’re looking at there is two; the one below is consuming the one above.

    Rumors abound: They scream, they run 20 miles an hour across sand, and they’re aggressive. They’re poisonous; some sources say this poison is deadly, and others say it merely numbs the area they’re biting, so you can wake up in the morning in your tent with half you arm gnawed off. Supposedly, they can jump high enough to latch onto a camel’s stomach and kill it, hence the name.

    Here’s the facts as I know ‘em, however:

    they’re not exactly spiders, they’re solifugids, which are somewhere between scorpions and spiders biologically. They’re fast, but not particularly dangerous, and they don’t scream. They can jump but they don’t kill camels, they instead get their name from the fact that they live in the desert on seemingly no water for months.

    Why do I know this? Because one day a few months ago a friend of mine, who knows about my intense hatred of spiders (read your definition of a phobia, it can mean hatred too! i ain’t no sissy. bitches.) decided it would be grand to tell me all about how deadly they are, and how more of our soldiers in Iraq were dying by camel-spider attack than enemy shells. So I did a little research… and yes, there’s your answer. Camel spiders.

    I hear that our GIs over there spend their free time catching, feeding, and raising them things and putting them in big boxes to fight each other.

  • http://www.telemarketingfaq.com _DNC_
  • Just Plain Bob

    Psh. Who needs a website. I just know everything.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    GR, you big sissy…those are a little bigger than your hand. I’ll take a couple of those over a roadside bomb or RPG attack anyday.

  • http://www.telemarketingfaq.com _DNC_

    Who wants one of those as a pet?

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Marilyn Manson?

  • Pragmatist

    I don’t know many military that went over and had one as a pet.  That wouldnt be too bright.  Ive heard various stories about how deadly they are, but I did have a supervisor at my last base that had a slightly messed up ear from getting bit.

    Here is the fun part, there is a north american version.  Cant remember the name but Ive seen them here in arizona on base.  They are much smaller than the on in the picture above.  But I actually had one of the things chase my foot one time at work.

  • http://www.transbuddha.com The Good Reverend

    it just chased your foot?  not you?  Are you one of those freaks with detachable appendages?

  • fealty2dahriyah

    i say BBQ the bastards

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    I love spiders.  I love that one, too.

  • Just Plain Bob

    we’ll BBQ you, too, then! spider-lover!

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Uh…wow. That’s a long jump from hating spiders to canabilizing people, JPB.

  • Just Plain Bob

    What are you talking about? it’s the only logical progession…

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    I would prefer not to be eaten.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    I think you can safely assume you shan’t be.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I thought women liked that?

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    Well… now that you mention it…

  • Just Plain Bob

    And I’ll bet the spiders would prefer not to be BBQed, but it’s not like they have much choice of THAT, either, is it? mmm.

  • Just Plain Bob

    oh snap!

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I still say BBQ her.

    and fantastic damage is that an EL-P reference? cuz that cd is the shizzit.

  • Just Plain Bob

    i think it’s more of a fetish, actually.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I believe our system is colapsing under the weight of useless contraptions.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    88 miles per hour

    mcfly

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/om_mani_padme olivesmarch4th

    Wow.  This thread has gone CRAZY.

    And I STILL don’t want to be barbecued.

  • http://www.dadsbigplan.com .alphamonkey.

    Yes. And duly noted.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    your flesh is tasty…and just like the natives I won’t waste anything. we can grind up yoru bones for jello afterwards!

    F-L-E-S-H always room

  • Just Plain Bob

    why can i only post at the bottom of most threads? for some reason i can’t make replies 100% of the time…

  • Just Plain Bob

    no more replies! just add to the bottom of the damn thread! you’re thwarting me! i don’t like to be thwarted!

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