LONDON — In a bold move this week, Prime Minister Tony Blair has proposed an offical ban on Mondays saying, “It’s undeniable. Mondays suck.” Blair cited a recent study which uses mathematical hand waving to prove that Monday, January 24, will be the most depressing day of the year.”We have knowledge of which day will be most depressing this year,” stated Blair. “Consider this a pre-emptive strike on all bad days.”
“I was just sitting in Applied Mathematics 104 when it hit me,” said Clint Arbol, self-proclaimed “Professor of Beerology” and discoverer of the mathematical formula. “I mean, Mondays are totally more depressing when the weather is bad, so I was like, ‘I wonder if I could quantificate that.’” Arbol recommends vigorous excercise to beat depression. “Whenever I get real bummed out, I do a keg stand or go streaking. We’ve got a streak planned for Monday, but don’t tell anybody. Campus security would be all over our house if they found out.”
Arbol’s findings will be published this weekend on the back of the flyer for Alpha Chi Gamma’s toga party.