Precocious Kids Must Be Stopped

by alphamonkey on January 11, 2005 · 4 comments

in Stupid People

I’m really sick of all these so called child prodigies that our culture has this sick fascination for.  I don’t know if it’s the “ooooh, he/she acts like people!” innaneness, or the freak show feel to it all.  Like this kid, Cole Marcus.

Okay, so he’s only 4 and plays the drums. Neat.  No, no it’s not. My evidence? This clip, in which Cole plays (badly, I’m sorry but it’s true) over an insanely slowed down version of Crazy Train to the slathering delight of the grownups on stage.  I mean, c’mon. All kids bang the crap out of stuff, the only difference here is that his parents were dumb enough to buy him a drum set to do it on.

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1 The Good Reverend January 11, 2005 at 2:45 pm

I have to agree.  Can the kid play the drums well for a 4-year-old?  Without a doubt.  But I didn’t see any “natural talent” that he had.  Any 4-year-old could acquire that talent if his parents were shitty enough to force him to learn it.

What really made me sick was when he handed the bottle to the host before drumming.  “How can we emphasize that our son is 4?  I know!  Have him come out with a fucking baby bottle!” I felt really insulted.

2 .alphamonkey. January 11, 2005 at 2:59 pm

You should feel insulted, but only because Cole called you an asshole right before the cameras came on.

3 Cananopie January 11, 2005 at 4:07 pm

A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell. So THATS what happened to him.

4 professor dookie January 12, 2005 at 2:06 pm

I’ll bet he’s probably a sixteen year old migdet. If so then he really sucks for a sixteen year old.

Just another set of parents exploiting their children for fame and fortune.  When he’s twenty-five and a pornstar, we’ll have to post him on here again.

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