That poor, poor bastard

by The Good Reverend on January 12, 2005 · 6 comments

in Audio Visual,News

Your three prevailing thoughts during this clip (in order):

1.  first 20 seconds – wow, these anchor women are terrible.

2.  next 2 minutes – oh my god…(vicarious embarrassment).. oh my.. god.. (squirming in chair)… this poor guy… someone end his pain.

3.  last 20 seconds:  these are the best anchorwomen EVER!

– Random weatherman in front of a bunch of s@#t we don’t need to know.  “Tight gradient”?  WTF?

Warning:  The source of this vid protected the filename.  Since we are not hosting it, we may crash the server… good luck).

In general, people failing is funny.  Oh don’t label me a monster, you damned hypocrite.  That premise drives most of comedy, so I know I’m not alone.  However, there are some failures that are on such a grand scale, so catastrophic.. failures that are at “extinction-level event” to such an extent that it overwhelms the comedy aspect.  This should be a training video in all Buddhist temples, to give the initiate a taste of what pure compassion for another individual feels like.

This “blooper” (it’s wrapped up in this really terrible “Blooper” flash container – sorry, all) was on that level for me.  I wanted to reach through the monitor, grab his damned weather script, and help this poor bastard.  And I even have a hate-on for tv news weathermen – I mean come on.. have you EVER needed to know the dewpoint?  Or barometric pressure?  Do you really give two shits about what cold front is colliding with which high pressure region?  Tell me two things, weatherman:  Will I freeze my ass off tomorrow, and will I get pissed on tomorrow.  You have 30 seconds.  Go. 

Instead, tv weather is a combination of useless information and dick-measuring contest….

{Sounds of lasers, exciting music}Doppler Radar!  Only on Fox 4 News!”

{Sounds of lasers, exciting music} “Which meteorologist is the only one in town to have NexRad Early Storm Detection System?  Hint!  It isn’t Channel 4!  Watch Flip Linkman, Action 5 News!”

{Sustained minor-key synth chord – you know, that sound that always starts political attack ads} “On July 17th, Flip Linkman predicted sunny skies through the weekend. {pan in on black-and-white photo of Flip Linkman looking like he just molested your grandma).  On July 18th, Kansas City suffered one of the worst thunderstorms of the season, with two F3 tornados raging through the metro that killed 5 people – 2 of them, children).  Where was your NexRad system then, Mr. Linkman?  Where was your NexRad when little Lindsey Johnson {show pic of cute child, preferably sitting behind a cake at her own birthday party} was ripped from her mother’s arms by an F3 tornado?  Huh, Flip?  {Soothing music, geeky guy talking in earnest to his weather lackeys in front of enough computers and other gadgetry to put man on fucking Mars} Only Buzz Whipfield has the experience and the Multi-point, Vector-Track, GeoSynchronous Doppler Satellite System to keep you and your loved ones informed of the latest-breaking weather.  Don’t put your family at risk.  Buzz Whipfield, Fox 4 News.. a name you can trust.”

God damn it – I always lose focus in my posts.  Where was I.. weather report.. compassion…. ahhh, fuck it.. i’m not going to recover from this one.. some guy fucking up the weather, enjoy.  Oh, and a pic of the only weatherman I would watch:  a British midget (a “Bridget”?) on a trampoline:

Thanks to Aunt Weezy for the link

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1 .alphamonkey. January 12, 2005 at 3:32 pm

WOUB is the public radio/television center at Ohio University. I wonder if that actually went over the air or was just a screen test for people trying out for the various positions.  Regardless, that’s about the worst flub in the history of television. I kept waiting for him to pull a gun out and shoot himself. 

2 Cananopie January 12, 2005 at 4:42 pm

Dear Lord Good Reverend, your prediction was increibly accurate on my feelings throughout the video. I’ve never known ANY weather forecast that took so long to do, and the fact that he NEVER recovered! It’s mind boggling.

I mean, I’ve had my times of freezing during a speech at school or something that I did the night before but it is eclipsed when compared to that. I mean, the fact that for that full 2 minutes every person let him suffer through that was amazing. There was no guy (apparently) in the background whispering really lound and making grandiose geastures saying “CUT BACK TO THE ROBOTS… I MEAN GIRLS!”

3 The Good Reverend January 12, 2005 at 6:56 pm

well, the footage started skipping and wobbling at one point, so maybe the cameraman was considering yanking the feed.  Either that or he was just laughing too hard.

4 Shadow Stalker January 12, 2005 at 5:28 pm

I loved how he couldn’t figure out the green screen.

5 Oraxis January 13, 2005 at 1:06 pm

Hey, it’s gone!  They took the video off their site and replaced it with some cutsie-poo picture of a little girl playing tick-tack-toe with her clown doll.  The caption says “These clips weren’t supposed to be public.  I’m sorry if I caused anyone any embarrassment.”

Damn, and I wanted to laugh at other people’s misfortune…

6 .alphamonkey. January 13, 2005 at 1:32 pm

Yup. That’s too bad.  But maybe one clever individual might have it in their cache files.

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