Boobs: The Great Debate

by alphamonkey on February 28, 2005 · 4 comments

in Audio Visual,News,Sexuality

As most of you are aware, the United States is the only industrialized nation that truly understands the evil, sinful nature of boobies.  Thankfully we have the FCC to protect us from those dirty chest bumps.  But the rest of the world?  They are bombarded with mammary images in their papers, billboards, and most insiduous of all, their television commercials.  Here’s a set of commericals that use jiggling fun bags to arouse and titilate unsuspecting viewers into careless consumer choices that will lead you down the twin slippery soapy slopes of degredation and shame. First Up: Choco Party. This commercial makes the GoDaddy Super Bowl ad look like an an exercise in tasteful restraint.  Girl in bikini jumps up and down to sell chocolate.  Subtle, eh?

Second Up: Savage Europe.  Girl in suede and fur bikini in a bar makes a compelling case for playing Savage Europe, an online role-playing game.  This one proves that just ‘cause she’s got boobies, don’t mean she don’t got a big stick hidden down there.  Which when you think about it, is an accurate description of 90% of the online role-playing community.

And finally, here’s an ad from the Breast Cancer Society.  Why include this ad? Well because the Breast Cancer Society obviously recognizes that women are deeply ashamed of their own sweater puppies, and nothing drives that shame home than the sick attentions of a hormone enraged teen who wants to do dirty things to your body.

So there you have it.  While the rest of the world shamelessly uses boobs to confuse and arouse the consumer, only the good ole US of A knows that boobies should be considered much like the Boogyman.  To be feared and hidden away in the closet. 

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  • Gray Ghost

    God knows the Puritans that are consuming this nation are the only thing between us and chaos.

  • Thundarr

    Well we wouldn’t want naked ta-ta’s getting in the way of our beloved blood sport violence, would we.  I just don’t get the people that think a naked body is more disturbing than, oh say, The Passion of the Christ.

  • noochienoochie

    Great write up, monkey. You gotta admit though, the breast exam commercial is pretty good. It’s like every teenage boy’s genius plan, finally realized.

  • .alphamonkey.

    Oh, absolutely.  I thought the BCS ad was intensely clever and well thought out. Kudos to them for it.

    And thanks.

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