Gregory Jacobsen: My Favorite Artist Ever.

by ZolarCzakl on March 23, 2005 · 4 comments

in Uncategorized

We all have dreams. It’s just that some of them we think are too wild to be realized, that is, we lack the courage to take a notion that might seem strange and bring that notion to fruition. Well, the ever-resourceful alphamonkey has brought to my attention an artist that breaks those rusty death-shackles of conformity and soars high above all who dare to gaze upon him with heavenly wings of pure invention. That artist: Mr. Gregory Jacobsen.I can honestly say that Gregory Jacobsen is my favorite artist on the face of this hostile yet fragile planet. You see, I’m a bit jealous of him. I know it’s petty of me, but I’m going to lay it all on the line for you, my lovely and loyal Transbuddhists. I’ve always wanted to paint pictures of meat creatures having sex, but I lack the courage and the talent. I’ve got a really crappy punk band that I’m in and when I sing I sound a whole lot like an extremely gay version of Jello Biafra, but I’ve never gotten up the nerve for us to play out. Well, Gregory Jacobsen has realized that dream too!

I was an outsider in High School. I didn’t have any friends, I dressed weird, and listened to music that nobody understood. When I tell this to people, nobody believes me. Someone even told me once, “Man, nobody seems to ever have had friends in High School. Shut up, emo!“ But Gregory Jacobsen says the same things about himself and people believe him! Just read the stunning bio on his website.

There are so many things that I wanted to create but never could, like the pubic hair cake. I swear to god, it’s like we have a telepathic connection! It’s just that he has such a greater understanding of art, culture, and how much the Midwest sucks! And get this, he begins an interview with a tale of how his hometown was a dumping site for nuclear waste! He sure does have the makings of a legend with a story like that!

Well, that’s all I can say about Gregory Jacobsen. The rest you just have to experience for yourself. I urge you to check out his wonderful website – I swear it will humble any of you out there with artistic tendencies. Gregory Jacobsen has set the bar and I’ll tell you, it’s pretty high up there! I’m sure that later on tonight, as I’m masturbating furiously to Gregory Jacobsen’s beautiful psychedelic depictions of little girls with penises crapping out pools of green liquid, my brain’s psychic energy will meet his floating out there in the cosmos, transcending all human thought and emotion to create one new, more exciting, more edgy form of art straight from the blessed lips of God himself. Here’s to the future of all human endeavor!

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  • Haserhud

    His art reminds me very strongly of a nightmare.  I guess that’s a good thing.

  • alternatego

    Talk about lame.

    Yeah, totally.

  • The Scarlet Harlot

    I think I saw him on the Bellevue’s missing patients page. He steps way outside of the box with his artwork, but I am not sure it’s for me. To each their own. Not really, but the truth hurts.

  • professor dookie

    Looks kinda like Hieronymus Bosch got gang raped by H.R.Geiger and crapped out some transmuted bastard stepchild into a blender and spilled it onto a canvas.  But hey thats art yo!

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