Musings of a Star Wars Anti-Fan

by ShadowStalker on May 20, 2005 · 12 comments

in Uncategorized

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I was a Star Wars fan.

The guile and charm of Han Solo, the exuberance and tenacity of Luke Skywalker, and the sage wisdom of Yoda and Obi-Wan were the role models of my youth. Countless are the Saturdays I squandered on Star Wars marathons, so enraptured I didn’t care about the VHS tracking lines. I didn’t care that the Rancor looked dumb, that the aliens were Muppets, that every storm trooper was some unpaid extra, or that there was a shoe where a ship should have been. In fact, I loved that. It meant the movies were a collaboration by real people who cared about what they were doing, but were limited and flawed just like the characters. Just like me.

Sure, it sounds silly now. Star Wars is the ultimate space opera, and more than a little melodramatic, but at the heart of it are characters, real characters that are given space to develop and endear themselves to the audience. The characters of Star Wars, the very world of Star Wars, grew with the care of many hands beyond George Lucas’ vision to become something beautiful.

And now Lucas, in his infinite wisdom, has decided to cram his creation back in the box he built for it. Episode 1 was a resounding disappointment. The low budget charm of the original movies was sacrificed to advertise Industrial Light & Magic. Depth of character was sacrificed for multitude of characters, too many story lines, and a six-year old with no discernable talent whatsoever. Cool action sequences were sacrificed for twenty minutes of cartoonish, Disney-like pod racing that served only to spin off a video game. Continuity and rationality were sacrificed to make every possible reference to the old movies.

When trailers for Episode 2 came out, they looked pretty cool. Episode 1 had been awful, but I reasoned that it was only there to set up for Eps. 2 and 3. Episode 2 would be much better without the kid, and we’ll get to spend some time on the principal characters. Well fool me twice, shame on me.

Episode 2 was awful. Yoda was CGI. All possibilities of interesting plot twists were abandoned for brain-dead obvious conclusions that had been hamhandedly foreshadowed. The plot was even less consistent than Episode 1, and the glorious final dual we’ve come to expect was relegated to poorly executed CGI.

I’m not seeing Episode 3. Ever, if I can help it. I still enjoy Star Wars, but the new movies, even the Special Editions, are something different. They are more CGI now than film, twisted and evil. So I must become an anti-fan, joining the rebellion against Emperor Lucas because I know that somewhere inside the new scenes, the altered pasts, and the forgotten futures is the trilogy I love. Someday it may be released unencumbered by it’s unnatural prosthetics, and, with any luck, when we finally remove the mask it will not reveal Hayden Christensen’s face.

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  • fealty2dahriyah

    the problem everyone cuts this asshole(lucas) so many breaks. I’m glad he destroyed what he created. in an age where everyone seems to brand themselves to a subculture, movie, clothing maker, or fucking doritos, these people can’t help but support whatever there little group is, because that would result in loss or denial of self. that’s why these people drool over his crap. and if I wanted to see all cgi shit I’d watch titan ae or some bullshit.

  • Thundarr

    First off, I don’t think he’s destroyed what he’s created.  In fact the franchise, despite some very vocal and angry fans is still as popular today as it ever was.  I also don’t think anyone is giving him any breaks (if you think so, you should go back and look at the reviews for episodes I & II).  I will agree with your point about Americans being mindless sheep and needing to devote themselves to something.  But hey, better Star Wars than religion.  At least Star Wars never killed anyone.

  • Thundarr

    Ep III is at least as good as Jedi, but if you don’t want to see it, it’s your loss.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I’ll see it sometime… but I’m sticking by my titanic boycott.

    I’m just sick of everyone saying it’s better than I&II. I think 2 hours of watching time elapse photography is more entertaining than those 2. it’s like comparing a rotting apple to a rotting orange.

    I can take drama, I can take sap, I can take plot holes and all sorts of other shit. but what bugs me is that these last 2 and I assume 3 films have been just mindless junk. and don’t tell me that lucas hasn’t been given breaks. if hell kevin smith made this film he would be boo’d out of town.

    and it’s not so much being sheep its the, I grew up w/ it so I must defend it attitude.

  • Thundarr

    My point was I don’t think he’s gotten any more breaks than any huge Hollywood director/producer.  No one called out Speilberg when he totally fucked up Philip K. Dick’s Minority Report or Alex Proya’s bastardized version of I, Robot, they just all gushed at how cool they looked.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I’m w/ you on all that.

    I’m just waiting to see how badly a movie needs to be made for people to get upset. apparently if you spend over 20mil on CGI, it seems to whipe all the blemishes away.

    I refuse to spend my time letting some douchebag director/producer stuff my throat w/ bloody rags, only to kiss his ass and praise him for it.  there are usually a few signs for me to wait and see a movie and it’s usually based off others comments. such as “the graphix were amazing.”

    look at these gimps on this thread… we go from a nice bitch battle about lucas and his inabilities and they spend there time talking about the motivation and flawed nature of characters. why not talk about how I&II were such colosal shit and dodged interesting references from the III,IV,V. I know the lava scene actually makes the screen, and it’s the longest fight scene ever, but in my mind I would have liked that fight to take place in segments over the whole last movie. a 30 min fight broke down in thos bullshit 5minute segments lucas loves so much. but I won’t bitch about what I haven’t seen.

  • .alphamonkey.

    I suppose you played “cops and robbers who hug puppies and made baskets for the blind”?  Anyone who says they didn’t have violence tinged play/pretend is flat out lying.  Or was in a coma. 

    Lucas did have plans to make more films after Jedi, it was stated many times.  He just changes his mind a lot, if you hadn’t noticed.  And there were a lot of elements in the Prequels that had been talked about for years.  I’m not saying he’s been sitting on finished scripts, just that as he approached the end of the O.T., he had some idea of what we’d find out.

    Wait…your own prequel?  I’m sorry but that bears no relevance on anything whatsoever.  It’s Lucas’s sandbox, and he gets to do whatever he wants with it.  If that means making a film that a) negates chunks of his original in both intent and continuity and b) portrays evil as less a ‘boogeyman’ as a man who made conscious choices and committed terrible acts, then so be it. 

    If you’re more comfortable with a mythic Vader who would choke a man just for looking at him, and chop off his own kid’s hand (oh, and let’s not forget that he was willing to kill his own kid, cause just like Doritos, he’d made more), more power to ya.  Me, I’m not going to be upset that Darth Vader turned out to be a viscious bastard.  It’s Darth Vader, for crying out loud.  What did you think his crimes would be? 

    I’m the last guy to defend Lucas’s decision to change what we knew about established characters. I think it’s lazy and disrespectful of those fans who gave him the opportunity to keep playing in the sandbox, but guess what? My opinion doesn’t matter to him.  Nor does yours.  It’s his story and he can do what he wants with it.  Yes, what he shows us in the prequels doesn’t jibe with how it’s handled in the Originals, but hey…Obi-Wan isn’t shown to be a manipulative lying bastard in the prequels, and we know that’s how he turned out.  Why not cry about him being on a Slushie? Isn’t that a glamourization of bastards?  What about Han “I run DRUGS for crime Lords” Solo?  He’s a real sweetheart, too. 

    Looking for some kind of consistant morality from Lucas is like complaining that the ocean is too wet.  Either enjoy it for it’s merits or just let it go.

  • Thundarr

    Isn’t that how you played cops and robbers?  Damn, that cracked me up!

  • inoir

    Padme got what was coming to her.  In ep2, Anakin tells her that he slaughtered a whole village of sand people.  She knew what type of man he was, and what potential was there when he got angry.

  • Shadow Stalker

    But you said it yourself, they weren’t people.

  • inoir

    saying tusken raiders are not people is like americans saying the native americans were not people. 

    that makes sense then.  padme double deserves what she got.

  • Bear

    Well, I’m disappointed.

    When I saw this post again, I was reminded that when it was first posted, there was a great, stimulating discussion that accompanied it.

    Now, I see that the comments have been edited and many of them deleted.

    What the hell is up with that?

    Are visitors not allowed to disagree with alphamonkey?

    Great site.

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