Mmarghhhmm… Laburgers

by mrcookieface on July 7, 2005 · 30 comments

in Uncategorized

The University of Maryland has learned how to grow meat.  MEAT, I TELL YOU!

How about a nice big petri dish of casserole?

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  • fealty2dahriyah

    oh jesus titty fucking christ.

    isn’t processed food to begin w/ nasty for your health? I love how this guy tries to turn it around at the end and plug his petrimeat as helping us align w/ the kyoto pact.

  • mrcookieface

    True that.  But imagine the third world famines we could avert by shipping man-made-meat to the hungry.

    Maybe it’ll get that Santa Claus motherfucker off my TV asking me to sponsor a child.  What the hell happened to Sally Struthers?

  • noochienoochie

    Oh, what a humanitarian, suggesting we give it to the poor & hungry, yet won’t eat it himself.

  • The Black Glove

    In the grand scheme of things, this is not that shocking. Have you guys seen the recent articles about the Australian zombie dogs? I’d post it if I could remember how.

    Patty Black-Glove-less.

  • SonSon2

    Ah yes, the Australian zombie dogs. Sometimes on a clear day, you can hear old people screamin bout’ those things. Like keys attached to kites on lightning storm days, those zombie dogs’ll fly through the air, and cut the moon.

    I remember the smell. The smell of zombie dogs. At first you’re thinkin’,”I smell popcorn. Do you smell popcorn?”

    Then it’s WHAM! Zombie dog has ripped your throat out.

    Throats are hard to replace, but medical technology has come a long way. I’m on my 7th throat now. Well, my friend Cheech always says,”Don’t go strippin in the woods.” Words I always live by. Heed my call everyone. Don’t go strippin in the woods. Tempting, yes. Dangerous, yes. Bad, yes.

    The reason: zombie dogs are attracted to nakedness. The smell is very ripe to them. When they smell nakedness they’re thinkin’,”Man, I smell popcorn. Do you smell popcorn?”

    Before you know, you guessed it, ripped out throat.

    Please give me some money now.

  • Thundarr

    I love the little note at the end that eating animals is what is causing global warming.  So I can keep my SUV, private jet, and my heavy industrial plant, just stop eating hamburgers and no more global warming.  Right….

  • fealty2dahriyah

    finally someone agrees w/ me on the BS at the end of this the devalidates the whole thing.

    and do you really think meat made in a lab is cheap or free????????

    fyi folks, there is enough food on the earth to feed everyone. there is just a lot of po’ folk who can’t afford it.

  • noochienoochie

    i wouldn’t expect you cattle friendly midwesterners to understand this, but us coasters know about this thing called the 2nd law of thermodynamics. animal farming is wasteful stuff. on top of that, cows, JUST cows, are the 3rd largest cause of ozone depletion. i’m not saying the author is right on the money, but he might have a point.

  • The Black Glove

    I am a midwesterner and I can say in complete honesty that if it looks, smells, and tastes like a burger, I’m eating it. Story over. I don’t give a crap if it’s a burger grown in a lab or not.

    Reverend Black Glove-joy

  • .alphamonkey.

    I don’t eat beef because I’m cattle friendly.  I eat it because I hate cows.

  • noochienoochie

    you should make a website about that hatred.

  • .alphamonkey.

    I would have, but was already taken.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    as a midwesterner who can’t stand most midwesterner or coasters, what a bunch of crap. 2nd law… the quality and/or degradation of energy? guess what tree hugger… virtually nothing is efficient. your talking about an animal that converts grass, which has no nutritional value and grows endlessly, into wholesome beautifull steak. lets not forget about the score of other things we use off of farm animals.

    if it were up to you mary’s we’d just eat corn,rice or flour totillas the rest of our days. but lets not forget how inefficient and expensive being a vegan is. the 5meals a day, the endless fiber spewing out your intestinal track, the heavily processed foods most of them rely on.

    I’d like the world to go back to natural foods… eat raw and eat fresh…

    why avoid the natural process for synthetics? it’s not cheaper, it’s not better, and it’s not made by g~d.

  • noochienoochie

    oi veh. pull… panties… out… of… asscrack. i’m no vegan, and i hear you on the hassles of being one. but admit it, producing meat ain’t as peachy clean & wonderful as you’re presenting it. there are plenty of complications. and grass certainly isn’t an endless source of energy like the sun.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    the only thing I am defending is that lab made meat is fucking sick. in fact it lumps nicely w/ GMO’s and about everything else science has done for our diets.

    shit, try living near a chicken processing plant and hundreds of farms(I do). normally not bad, but damn they can be nasty. but, I’d take that shit smell to factory air pollution anyday. if we were to rely on your logic about the ozone we would also have to apply that to volcanic emissions, since they are the largest contributor to green house gases. it’s the unnatural things adding to the situation which make a problem.

    plus, all this does is take the power of food supply out of farmers and regular people and give it to companies and manufacturers. I think those assholes have done enough.  these companies don’t give a shit about stopping world hunger or making leaner/better food it’s about profits. if it was about those things, I wouldn’t have companies destroying thousands of pounds of food, rather than to give it to food banks.

    ie farmers, cows, humans= not bad.

  • noochienoochie

    dude, so you’re saying thousands, millions of cows on this planet is natural? those slow ass beasts wouldn’t last weeks in the wild. fact is, they’re only here b/c of COMMERCIAL/CORPORATE farming. your farmers and regular people virtually don’t exist anymore. so yeah, would be cool if we could go back to the fresh and natural, but i’m beginning to think those days are numbered. and don’t get started on the volcano crap. we don’t control volcano emmissions, but we do control the number of cows & other shit machines we put on this planet. anyway, more importantly to me is that in today’s current food environment, if i don’t indirectly have to have blood on my hands every time i eat a meal, i’m gonna take that option.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    1st, corp farming is 2% or less of all farms. and has only advented really in the last 10 years. farming and domestication of those animals has gone on for centuries w/o corp. backing. the only people over farming domestic animals are the corp farmers.

    2nd, what about the plains of africa, thousands of thousands of dosile beasts don’t roam there? buffalo never wandered the central united states in staggering #’s?

    and if you truely believe in not having blood on your hands when you eat, I’d suggest growing everything yourself and waste nothing. what else would the world do w/ that animal? wouldn’t another animal kill it? maybe we should let wild game initially kill the animal,b4 we eat it, and then it wouldn’t be on our hands? if you don’t want to kill an animal… fine. if you don’t want to eat killed animals… fine. but let me cook my damn ribeye, besides I’m cutting down on pollution everytime I kill one.

    and once again, my point of arguement was against LAB-MEAT.

    have you ever been to iowa(or some other backwoods farming state)? many of these places if they didn’t have a farm on it, wouldn’t have a damn thing, except maybe some indian burial grounds.

    and finally, again, there IS NO SHORTAGE of food in the world. it is a shortage in cash to pay for it. so who cares if we waste some space on tasty flesh.

    and we also don’t control the ammount of methane coming out of a cows ass(please come back w/ cleave comment about the #’s of cows we control)… and yes they are stupid, that’s why we picked those them to domesticate. man PBS had a killer special on that… watch it sometime.

  • noochienoochie

    you’re missing my whole point. we’re breeding these animals (for the purpose of eating them) to a level that in today’s environment IS unnatural. had we never slaughtered even one of them, i’m sure buffalo would not be roaming the plains in the same numbers nowdays, b/c people have moved in and made their ecosystem less desirable/survivable. yet thanks to us, the cow population is 100’s of times higher than it naturally would. so my cleave comment about the # of cows we control is…cows ain’t fucking and reproducing on their own. we’ve got a hand in that action. the number of cows we decide to eat = the number of cows we breed = the number of cows that crap. hence, we control how much they crap. and you’re not decreasing pollution every time you kill one. you’re just increasing the demand for another shit machine to be bred and pollute more. take an economics course and maybe you’ll understand. really, fealty2diarrhea, don’t get me wrong. i’m sending my love. your comments, though brash, are always entertaining; ignorant, yet at the same time clever. respek.

  • japhy

    the problem, as i see it, it’s not why it’s done but how it’s done. yes i’m vegetarian, and my diet is pretty balanced. now just the stink of meat (raw or cooked) makes me sick.

    i don’t have anything against meat-consumers, but their complete blindness of what they eat. Noochie got a point, the cows are not growing or breeding naturally, it’s all artificial, it’s artificial what they are injected with (hormones mainly, antibiotics etc). Don’t get me wrong, the agricoltural industry is as bad as the domestic animals.

    fealthy got a point saying that there is no shortage of food, but at the same time you display perfectly the capitalistic mind saying “it is a shortage in cash to pay for it”. the problem of what we do with the surplus of production is a moral and ethical issue, not an economic one. especially right now.

    enjoy the steaks, i cannot and i won’t try to convice you otherwise, just, if you have the choice, try to be an aware consumer…

  • japhy

    ok it goes a little bit off topic, but here are some statistics that you may find “interesting”:

    1) in the next 45 years, keeping this standards and with the increase world population, we will need the triple of meat, eggs and milk

    2) we will reach 7 billion people in less than 30 years, this will reduce by one third the water available pro-capite.

    2a) 1 cow drinks 200 liters a day…

    3) currently 70% of the water is used for animal or on the fields to keep them green for them

    4) these animals have to eat, the majority of the fields with cereals aren’t for human being, but for cows…

    i could keep going… but did you also thought that in a metter of few years all the fields that now are used to pasture are turning into deserts? therefore, needs for more pastures, less forests blah blah blah… this year for intensive pasture in brasil they burned two times the extensions of portugal…

    i find it simply and purely scary…

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I dunno if this supports your claim about the methane of cows… it’s seems the study everyone took that info from was done in the ‘30s.

    so F everyone cows will rule the world again…

  • fealty2dahriyah

    sadly I’m w/ you 2. hell, I’m even w/ those loons PETA. i hate corp farms,GMO’s, hormone injections, and a whole stash of other UNNATURAL THINGS. noochie you whole argument was about supporting an unnatural meat made in a lab, so you wouldn’t feel like you killed something.

    japhy to kill your argument first. overpopulation is a human problem and it fux everything.  but if you are arguing the logistics of supply and demand of food market thats different. many places that you can raise cattle or whatever, you cannot farm crops. some places just do not have the resources available to trade or what not. but fuck people live where they want to… were stupid.

    as american(let alone as humans) we overconsume. my whole bases of this conversation was not against the wastefull nature of man or the beasts they domesticate, but of which is the lesser of 2 evils. you can either let companies grow food in labs, giving them huge control over the food supply or you can let farmers do what they have for thousands of years, which is try and sustain a farm that has healthy animals and keeps them and their population alive. corp farms are the only ones overpopulating small areas w/ livestock that pollute and shred the land. regular farmers don’t do that shit, normally, because they live off the land. it much like a lot of hunters, they tend to understand the populations of the animals they kill and if they over kill the next year they will suffer. and yes there are those that would just as soon kill every living thing… lets exclude those NRA assholes.

    and japhy it is all capitalism. if you want every type of food item available everyday, at your grocery and for a price you can afford, you overproduce.

    so I’ll end on a proper debate note and say… we either tame down our usage and our huge animal population or we allow someone else to control us.

  • noochienoochie

    i’m actually w/ you fealty on yr last point. my avoidance of eating animals via the lab approach was only a side benefit. my main concern was the pollution/wastefulness that comes w/ raising animals (yes, private farming is not nearly as bad as the corporate farms, but still a bit more harmful to the earth than just growing vegetables). certainly i see yr fear that (especially in today’s capitalist environment) corporate labs could someday deliver us the next generation of Soilent Green, devoid of real nutrients. but as neither of us knows the real science behind this, my hope was that this process could actually be healthier/less polluting to the earth than real animal raising (as the author does argue). I know, I know, there’s still the question of how can anyone eat something as unnatural as lab-raised meat, but for me and japhy, eating animals is just as unnatural. you shouldn’t have to kill something to make it legitimate. yes, we need to tame down our usage, but as japhy pointed out, it needs to start w/ the consumers. i don’t blame the farmers. even if they are small & family-run, they will still want to produce whatever they can sell. that’s the capitalist way for everybody. consumers need to bother to learn about the practices of farming and the subsequent impacts to the earth, before they put that product into their mouth. i can’t think of a better example than eating meat, that the term “ignorance is bliss” applies to. well, except for getting it on w/ a kinky girlfriend, and still thinking to yourself, “she’s probably never done this w/ ANOTHER guy”.

  • japhy

    my point exactly, alot of the things i wrote are an accessory to the main issue: awareness.

    the system sucks, the only way we can very alightly influence it, in this case, is when we are in front of a grocery shelv…

    labburgers are just another “politically correct” abomination… that is advertised as something useful and that will solve some main and emotional issue (like world hunger), but it stinks soooo much when you simply think about it…

    (i like peta too, especially when they do the rallies with painted naked woman wink)

  • fealty2dahriyah

    japhy, my man… you are all right.

    I think the basic lesson man has yet to learn is moderation. nearly everything is tolerable and minimally destructive if we all reign ourselves in a little bit.  it’s just a sad fact our country is founded on extremists… sounds a bit like our buddies in the middle east.

  • japhy

    actually today i received a daily quote from a newsletter and i want to share it…

    my favorite animal? the steak rasberry

    fealthy you would be surprised about the results on the “average diet” in italy, eventho we have one of the best diet in the world…

    don’t get me wrong i’m not an integralist vegetarian, i loooooove to eat eggs just layed and i’m totally a cheeseholic, but well i try to remember a wonderful quote in some cases:

    we didn’t receive earth from our fathers, we are borrowing it from our sons…

  • fealty2dahriyah

    I’ll never go back to being a hardcore vegan. it’s retarded, it’s expensive, it’s a pain the ass, and you really are not saving anything. besides I love grilling ribeye steaks, chicken and raw fish way too much. hell, you can’t take most medication cuz of gelatin filler.

    besides if start killing all the cows, the Hindu’s are going to flip out and start killing everyone. it would be a krishna jihad.

    who thinks transbuddha should have a function just to see if we can get those naked PETA girls and guys to come streaking through or all plastic wrapped up/?

    maybe like a pimp fur jacket party or real donkey pinata party.

  • Shadow Stalker

    How about we dress cows in real fur coats and make them fight to the death?  Cows probably aren’t cute and cuddly enough to get PETA’s attention though.

  • fealty2dahriyah

    oh… maybe boxing monkey’s w/ gloves made from panda meat???

  • Shadow Stalker

    Yeah, and the winner has to eat a porpoise that was killed by a motor boat.

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