by The Scarlet Harlot on September 8, 2005 · 43 comments
4Frontiers looks to settle on Mars, using strictly Martian materials to build, as early as 2025.
That’s pretty fricking cool, don’t you think? Give us your thoughts.
Here’s what I think.
That’s what I think about that.
Oh boy, that was a wonderful thought. However, do you realize that moon is over there, and Mars is over here?
Yeah, but Fortuna. That’s a bitch. Hoooo boy.
Oh god. Let’s not get into that again.
Mars has ice, and that can be made into delicious snow cones. With those snow cones, we can be certain that people that live there will be happy with cold ice sugar goodness.
We can’t use that ice man. It’s all about the rock. We can purify that and modify it into anything. I’m guessing that Mars will be the next great Dildo factory in the solar system. All that red rock.
Get your mind out of the gutter. I will kill you someday.
The core of mars is made out of a substance that is ripe for producing almost unlimited energy. We will drill for it and make the ultimate weapon.
A cannon capable of destroying everything in it’s wake. We will destroy everything that contains mayonaisse. Then, when all white condiments are destroyed, the canon will be dismantled for peace. Those pieces will be synthesized into a mallable sandwich meat that will be utterly tasteful.
Cannons cannot be ingested! Not good ones anyway. Your story is incomplete and wrong.
Mars must be kept alone so the great beast of the far northwest can make it’s entrance and wreak havoc properly on the universe as a whole (hole).
You believe that crap? That beast is peaceful. MAYBE if the earth wouldn’t look like a tastly space seal, it wouldn’t be targeted for murderous eateness.
God. What I wouldn’t give for some mangos.
So mangos huh? That’s where you can go with this? Randomness will lead to disorganization. You will never get far with this process as it is too easy to start and end at the same time.
You must have some sort of gravity to the situation. You cannot just jump from one thing to the next. A relation must exist somewhere.
This is what happens when you run out of canvases. The writing is completely fake. You are a fake.
There can be no good that comes of this. As these words exist in some abstract sense (1s and 0s), they are a detachment. Write something worth something. Write something funny.
HA! Keep it coming. You must keep the comments coming. 40 comments. That is the only answer to this.
40 is funny, and sad at the same time.
No matter what context you put it in.
The beginning, the end, and such. Everything happens at once. Read it all in any order. You will be at the same point.
I was walking down the sidewalk across the street and it was night. It was humid, and I had hubris. Oh Hy’vee, won’t you sell me some fucking liquor? The sky was shining with Mars’ brightness. I passed out from brightness perplexion.
So there’s Mars right? I’m laying there, with cars honking at my body layed out, and Mars is all saying shit. “You can’t land on me! Solar flares will kill you with horrible radiation! You will never make it! I will remain a beautiful virgin of space! MU WA HA HA HA HA!”
That’s the last I heard of moon. It has been 14 months since then.
What the hell was that? No stories please. Nobody wants that today. It’s all about visuals. We all saw a picture of that Mars. That’s enough.
If we cannot see it, then it is not worth it.
Mars has an ice toupee.
FUCK YOU MARS! YOU WILL END US ALL!
Enough thoughts yet Scarlet?
Didn’t reply quick enough. So nope.
Excerpt from a speech given at the FU art institute outside of the prestigious Odepus South building:
Sorry for the short notice of the required speech I am about to give. The snow and the lightning
are bound to let up at some point. Hopefully the bricks thrown through your window that said:
“Speech today, it’s required. Odepus South building. Miss this and you’re fired. Justice has
been deserved.” didn’t cause too much damage, and only inflicted some minor bleeding.
Amazingly, here you all stand, and some of you are even wearing pants.
Thank you for joining me out here in front of the only building completely coated in tooth enamel.
Many people died to create this building! Thousands of artists pulled out their teeth and scraped
the enamel off into a large superheated bin so that you could see this marvel I’m standing in
front of! Bleeding mouths everywhere! One by one, they all fainted, and soon died.
They died because one great man. Odepus South!
He did not believe in modern medicine! It was his theory that art was an infectious disease that
rotted through your core and ultimately shot forth out of every orifice you had. The fountains of
blood that shot out of the students’ mouths were representative of the struggle and pain that
shoot out of every modern human today.
Those students’ sacrifice made one man very famous. He will be forever known as long as this
So I ask you all, who have parents who have very deep pockets who have a belief that you who call
yourselves artists will ultimately succeed from the deep pains you experience at the hands of us.
The mother fucking faculty.
There is a god damn crack in the side of this building.
Here are some pliers. Get to work.
That was an excerpt of something else. The comments will keep on rolling like chocolate on the highway.
THERE IS NO STOPPING ME NOW.
COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT. MU WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Hah. That was soooo extremely funny. 40 be thy name. All in the name of Mars. I love Mars so much.
I love space. Space is so cool. I love Mars. I love lamp. I love carpet.
This is a road that is a long as earth is to the mars. I will complete this journey soon enough. Even if radiation kills my penis, and in therein so, kills me. My lungs live in my testicles (and penis).
I am not affected by rational means. Death is only a step in which I have overcome. We all live on no matter what.
I will live on Mars, even only for a moment.
In fact, let’s make that all planets. My spirit will jump from one universe to the other. Scott Bakula has nothing on my and you.
Oh boy, that was most entertaining.
No interuptions must occur. This is (like the ring) something that I must bear. 40 be thy name.
Noise. More noise. Mars is tranquil. We will bring many speakers and fuck it up. The noise there will scare the oxygen into the atomosphere. Arnold S. will not be there for the revolution.
Ahhh, the goal is in sight. Ponies prancing through windows pink with ease. I will have all 40 ponies. Just think, Mars would be populated by large masses of pink, well moderated, ponies.
An ideal political system for us all.
Oh Mars, why don’t you solve all of my problems? Your redness and cold seem to be the answer to it all. If two robots built from differnt plants on this planet could make it, why can’t I?
Oh my, the drunkeness has taken hold. I spelled different wrong.
God. I have a calculator and everything.
It’s almost there. Like a scab you’ve been waiting to heal, the end is in sight.
If you’ve ever itched something so bad, like my foot, you know it. Mars is red. Scabs are red.
Put it together.
Mars is cool. I wish I lived there. Completely silent. I want to experience the silence of space. Unfortunately, you can’t completely experience it because of the noise that exists in your heart and blood system. Yes, that has nothing to do with Mars.
Well, fuck Mars.
YOU HEAR THAT MARS!?
Oh well. Don’t worry about it.
One more time. One more time. One more time.
Red is ostentatious.
Ahhh 40. I am a god now, amongst the Mars crown anyway. New laws will be created, and I will be happy, along with all others who chose to follow. My destruction will occur in 2 years, 4 months, and 18 days.
Please kill me around then.
Someone sounds very lonely.
I don’t think you mention anything about the martians. We would have to procreate with another species for them to allow us to live on their planet. I can’t believe you left that out SonSon.
… wow, sonson… I’m impressed.
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