Dear The Right Brothers, You Suck

by The Scarlet Harlot on November 18, 2005 · 18 comments

in Music Videos,Uncategorized

If you liked ‘Bush Was Right’ (and dear Buddha I hope it’s only in an ironic sense), you’ll love The Right Brothers call for real American values ’Tolerate This‘. 

while I’d like to take credit for the video cutting out, I think it’s an internet safety device that’s there to keep us from contracting mental retardation. 

And now a brief open letter to the Right Brothers:

Tolerance: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own (Merriam-Webster).  Roll that one around in your brain for a second.  Now think about Jesus, the guy you think kids should pray to in school*.  He seemed like a pretty tolerant guy, right?  It’s been a while since I read the bible, but I’m pretty sure he never called anyone a faggot or complained that black people were taking away good jobs from wholesome white people.  He seemed down with pretty much everybody.  I’m just wondering if you’ve thought about that at all.

Furthermore, you realize that no one has to ‘tolerate’ your beliefs on marriage, right?  Cause they’re the law and shit.  You know, a federally protected status that is supposed to be applied equally to every citizen, regardless of race, creed, religion, or sex?  Maybe you take a second and realize that not a single thing you’re ‘singing’ about is barred by law.  Kids are allowed to pray in school.  Men and women can get married.  No one is banning your gas guzzling behemoth, and you can indeed spank your kid.  Your values are not under attack, nor are they in any danger of disappearing.  At this point you’re either gloating or retarded, but I’ll leave that for science to decide. 

Lastly, re: your music.  Please stop, because you’re making Toby Keith look talented and nuanced, and that is probably a war crime. 

Because you gentlemen are indeed proud Americans, I took the liberty of forwarding your e-mail to, since I’m sure it’s just an oversight that’s kept you from supporting your President in his wartime efforts.

metrosexually yours,


*(Unless ‘prayer in schools’ means to C’thulu or some god**, in which case…dude, you guys are insane.)

**(Unless you mean The Flying Spaghetti Monster, in which kudos to you for being Touched By His Noodly Appendage)

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  • noochienoochie

    I’m beginning to feel sorry for the religious right, w/ these guys setting their example.

  • David Murray

    “Now think about Jesus, the guy you think kids should pray to in school*.  He seemed like a pretty tolerant guy, right?”

    Yeah, particularly when He took a whip and ran the money changers out of the temple. :o)

  • .alphamonkey.

    Like you’ve never wanted to smack a banker….

  • Dhsu

    I was beginning to think Transbuddha was the last bastion of politically-neutral, FSM-free websites.  Guess I don’t have to worry about that anymore. :(

    (Seriously though, Pastafarianism is old and retarded.  Kinda like that hobo down the street.)

  • .alphamonkey.

    Being as close as we are to Kansas (in my case literally 200 yards), we need The Flying Spaghetti Monster to keep us from lobbing grenades at our Western neighbors while screaming “Intelligent Design this, you slack jawed ninnies!”.  I lived in Kansas for a good long while.  It’s not a bad place, nor is it filled with bad people. The state just tends to let Gilligan steer the boat a little too often.

    I don’t think we live in an time when it’s ethical or just to be politically neutral, or otherwise silent while small but extrememly vocal movements seek to impose their dogma on the rest of us.  I could seriously not care less about what anyone believes (morally, politically, or religiously) as long as I’m not expected to agree with them, or let those beliefs be imposed upon me.

    We’ve tried very hard to keep politics out of this site, but (much like this last election) inaction and silence is not always the best course. 

  • labrazio

    Kansas blows.

  • Dhsu

    And Texas sucks.  That’s why it’s so windy here in Oklahoma. :(

    Naw, I like ol’ Dorothy and Superman country.  Headin’ back this Thanksgiving to get my teeth extracted, whee!  Good times.

    But I like how alpha’s from Kansas, but he uses Brit words like “advert” and “spot.” Cheers! 😀

  • .alphamonkey.

    The monkey is not *from* Kansas

  • Morceau

    Those last few comments reminided me of the Spaceballs moovie “She’s gone from ‘suck’ to ‘blow!’”

  • Alan

    Sorry, but that video is like a sore tooth, I know it will hurt if I prod it but I can’t help it. I’d love to see the whole video, surely it could only gey better. If I didn’t know otherwise I’d have thought that was a bonus tracck from “Team America, World Police”.

    I think you’ll have to define tolerance in simpler terms for them.

  • Morceau

    …. Pastfarianism is like saying Jesus was a stripper with 7 kids living in the ghetto *while!*

    The 7 kids got disaeases because the clinic didnt offer free shots and a few die from diphtheria or however you spell it, then was arrested for neglect and executed. Lol, its just hilarious how a college kid has put so much of his *non-existent* life into becoming one of those guys like the one guy who made Scientology or the guy who founded “Trekkies.” Totally fan-based. And just because their heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano doesn’t mean that…. well… I dunno what I was trying to get to on that point, but it’s like, dumb, like that donkey with the bullet wound in its head….

  • Morceau

    wahow ( wow with a chuckle thrown in for the hell of it) that sounded a whole lot better when I was typing it… *scratches head* has this anything to do with the fact that I failed public speaking….?

  • .alphamonkey.

    The point of FSM is that it’s just as valid a scientific school of thought that’s suitable for education as Intelligent Design.

  • Bayuss

    catchy li’l tewn wink

  • MonkeeDoo

    Just to clarify. . . this is why I can’t be a foster parent in my home state of Arkansas, right?  Or defend my country or give blood?  Idiots like that make weiner taste even better to me. . .

  • .alphamonkey.

    That last sentence needs to go on a bumper sticker.

  • Morceau

    ’Twould sell millions, that it would. “Idiots like you make weiner taste even better to me”

    You’d become rich and pay off some bills and maybe even share with your fellow (or better known) Transbuddhists.

  • meep-meep

    What a bunch of stupid fucking hicks. Also, I think they hit that kid one too many times. He doesn’t act or look quite “right”. Then again maybe he does.

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