by alphamonkey on November 4, 2005 · 8 comments

in Uncategorized

Finally the cinematic canon of Steven Seagal has been scientifically broken down and categorized for us, his loyal subject, uh..I mean fans.  If you’re unfamiliar with Seagal’s theatrical masterpieces, I heartily suggest you cancel whatever plans you may have had this weekend and delve deep into the mystery that is, Seagalology.

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  • drgonzoguitar

    “There’s also a pretty funny story behind this movie as Seagal refused to film his death scene for a few days saying it would disappoint his fans that he died (I shit you not). He also said that the way he died in the film could mean that his character somehow survived. I’m just going to spoil it and say that his character gets sucked out of a moving airplane at 30,000 feet. Without a parachute. Maybe his ego cushioned the fall.”

    This site is funny….thanks guys!

  • Shadow Stalker

    I was shocked when he died in the first fifteen minutes of that movie.  I had no idea that he was against it.

  • mrcookieface

    This site is brilliant to me.  I own quite a few Seagal DVDs.  I don’t know why, but I do.

  • Shadow Stalker

    I liked his movies pre-Fire-Down-Below.  He’s not a good actor or anything, but the fight scenes are pretty good.  Once he started putting his eco viewpoint in movies he lost me.

  • .alphamonkey.

    And what a hypocrite to boot.  There’s so much product in his hair he should have an ozone hole named after him.

    Unless that’s just grease and then….uh, ew.

  • Thundarr

    Wow, what a great find!  Who knew he had his own brandname Shasta Cola knockoff?

  • mrcookieface

    He’s made so many bad movies that are good.  I think Exit Wounds was his last bad movie that was good.  Everything after that was just bad.

    Does that make sense?

    Nonetheless, I’m totally looking forward to Under Siege III.  I’m gonna buy that box set!

  • HarvestReaper

    I cant wait for him to die, but yea I can see survivng after getting sucked outta a plain at 30,000ft cause that just makes sense.  I mean come on everyone does that.  I jump outta plains at 30,000 ft with no parachute every weekend.  I would have been so happy to see his bad acting as he landed face first in the dirt/cement/highway/ sharktank at Sea World but thats just me.  So yea other than the occasional decent fight scenes the ground would have happily caught him.

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