The Not-So-Great Debate

by alphamonkey on November 6, 2006 · 6 comments

in Commercials,Uncategorized

“In politics, nothing is contemptible.”Benjamin Disraeli

Living as I do in the battlefield state of Ohio, my recent brief forays into television have left me more than a little disgusted with the current crop of political ads.  While I’m fully aware that complicated issues can’t be intelligently discussed over the course of a 15 to 30 second ad spot, by what I’ve seen I’m forced to conclude that apparently tomorrow’s elections aren’t about what the candidates stand for, but rather who they stand against.  If I were to judge our government solely by the information contained in these spots, every single individual running for (or attempting to hold onto their) office is slightly less worthy of the job than the haggard woman who pushes her shopping cart down Route 250 screaming about how it’s raining on her furniture.  At least I know she can’t be bought.

The Washington Post has a decent (if wholly incomplete) list of the kind of ads that are sandwiched between TV promos and cellphone pitches.  Neither party is without guilt in the practice of mudslinging and scare mongering, but the Republican Party seems to have opted for a ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’ approach.  Slate magazine has compiled a Political Ad Slime Awards list for this highly contentious political season, and it’s certainly an interesting foray into the world of moral absolutes, us-vs-them mentality, and downright juvenile mudslinging.

All in all, I’m beginning to think that penciling in ‘Gregory Peck’ for every ballot might just be my best course.

(Illustration by Kaebel Hashitani)

On a completely unrelated note:  I know I’ve been slack recently, and for that I wholeheartedly apologize.  Life rudely intrudes upon Casa de Monkey, and it makes this labor of love rather difficult to maintain at times.  I’d just like to publicly (and effusively) thank all of you for your continued readership during these hectic times, and I’d especially like to thank those of you who’ve contributed submissions to this humble blog.  Your contributions have been a lifesaver on many occasions, and I truly enjoy seeing the content through your perspectives.  Thanks, and I’ll try my damnedest to keep things on a more even keel. 

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  • Just Plain Bob

    much love, alpha.

  • elkciN

    .alphamonkey. says he’s “for the people.” What he means to say is “I punch babies”. On no less than 2 and no more than 5 occasions, this ‘.alphamonkey.’, if that’s even his real name, has been witnessed stealthily injecting heroin into local school children. If he had is way, there’d be nothing but bruised babies and junkies in our schools. For the people, AM? Aren’t children people too?

    paid for by the citizens for elkciN

  • .alphamonkey.

    There are those who wish to deliberately cast my revolutionary education and social programs in a negative light, but I’ve never set up a Santa’s Workshop set and chair in my backyard.  In April.

    Also, elkciN is indeed ‘Nickle’ backwards. Or is he really attempting to hide what he really is: Hated post-grunge band ‘Nickleback’. 

    Voting for .alphamonkey. means a vote against Nickleback.

  • elkciN

    “There are those who wish to deliberately cast my revolutionary education and social programs in a negative light, but I’ve never set up a Santa’s Workshop set and chair in my backyard.  In April.”

    -.alphamonkey., D-TB, yesterday

    I suppose everyone could use a month off, right AM? Or is April ‘Easter Bunny’ month? .alpamonkey. would like the children to believe there is film in the camera, but they’re too young to understand that he wouldn’t want any evidence of his deeds to be found.

    His unfounded accusation that I am the band ‘Nickleback’ is just the sort of hurtful lashing out one would expect from a closet Eagles fan. If .alphamonkey. is elected, his first act would be a proposal to get rid of the pledge of allegiance, replacing it with ‘Hotel California’. Barring the fact that America is, indeed, ‘such a lovely place’, do you really want your kids growing up addicted to smack and quoting Don Henley?

    .alphamonkey. does.

    paid for by the letter W, and the number 23

    I’m elkciN, and I can read at the 4th grade level.

  • BADD

    elkciN is a bad bad man.

    He once ate chocolate cookies in front of a homeless person.  Did he share?  No.

    elkciN also likes young boys.  He was caught playing soccer with one.  In a motel room.  Alone.

    elkciN, is Nickle backwards.  Would you trust someone who spells things backwards?  As late as the 1800s people burned those who spelled backwards.  They must have done it for a reason.

    BADD is a good man.  He pets puppies instead of strangling them.  He eats with proper utensils, and always wipes front to back.

    Vote BADD and you are voting for common decency.

    I’m BADD, and I aprove this massage.

  • elkciN

    <i>”I’d sure like to stay and chat, but I have a young, strapping Dominican boy stopping by later to ‘clean the drapes’”<i>

    -BADD, R-TB, 2004 Republican National Convention

    BADD would have you believe he’s a ‘decent person’. As for his negative ads turning my charitable works with the special olympics into ‘soccer in a hotel room’, look towards BADD’s #1 campaign contributor, NAMBLA. It’s no wonder that’s the impression he got, with man-boy love being one of his main platforms. A vote for BADD is a vote for forced sex trade.

    He may not strangle puppies, but that’s only because he thinks they “taste better barking”. And as far a name-calling, let’s look at BADD. Or should I say Beats All Daughters of Democracy? A card-carrying member of NAMBLA and an abusive Anti-

    American alcoholic? For shame.

    paid for by the Citizens against BADD

    I’m elkciN, and you’re not.

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