Henceforth, I officially declare the Thirtieth of January of all ensuing years to be dubbed ‘Crap Day,’ so that we may honor the shitty releases on DVD set for this Tuesday.
Gymkata: I haven’t seen Gymkata, but that doesn’t hold me back from recommending this title. The 1985 film follows the quest of an Olympian gymnast to use his skills in the fictional nation of Parmistan to win “The Game,” so that the U.S. Government might use it as a sight for its Star Wars program. alphamonkey believes this to possibly be the worst film to ever be filmed, and I’m sure that once I get my grubby mitts on this DVD, I won’t disagree. In other news, I’m still dying to know when the sweet chocolate Christ we’re going to get Yor, the Hunter From the Future on DVD.
The Marine: Unrated: Wrestler John Cena brings the pain in this action flick ignored in theaters last year. As a side note: being the faithful Kevin Federline fanatic that I am compels me to remind the reader of K-Fed’s embarrassingly powerful victory over Cena in the WWE this month.
Michael Bolton: My Secret Passion: I don’t know anything about this DVD, but based purely on the title, I’m sure this release be on the fast track to being a modern classic of Music DVDs. I’ll let the Bolt himself, per the Amazon page for the DVD , do the talking on this release: “I hope you will feel the rapture of this classic, timeless music, created for all of us to enjoy. And I hope you will join me in sharing what has become and remained until now my secret love, my secret passion.”
Open Season: I’ve been saying it for years, give me a movie with hilarious comedian Martin Lawrence and the undeniably talented actor Ashton Kutcher, and I’ll give you $20 for the DVD! Don’t be like me. Thundarr gives you a reason why.
The Passion of the Christ: Definitive Edition: Okay, so not everything being released today is crap. Though thoroughly debated and argued, Mel Gibson gave us a damn powerful film with his Passion. I don’t think it’s anti-Semitic; but even if it is, that doesn’t keep the movie from being a more thorough and devastating account of Jesus’ last hours than, dare I say it, the Gospel. Following 2004’s bare-bones release of the film, this two-disc set contains a new cut that lasts an additional 14 minutes and a whole buncha special features (you can check the Amazon page for a full list.) Although, oddly enough, it seems that the DVD skips covering the controversy of the film, which would have made for an obvious vignette as far as I’m concerned.