If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest

by alphamonkey on December 19, 2008 · 8 comments

in Uncategorized

TwilightPart of me would like nothing more than to spend oodles and oodles print space mocking the Twilight film, most mostly I can’t be bothered. Especially when Rod Hilton has already done such a bang-up job with If ‘Twilight’ Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest.

To whit:

KRISTEN STEWART :Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl’s pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren’t well-written characters supposed to have flaws?

ANNA KENDRICK :Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you’re a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don’t think so. Let’s make out.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

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  • rutkoskilives

    I have to be honest, I saw Twilight last night and it was way better than I expected. Dare I say, I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. I’m really not sure why the author is taking so much crap for her storytelling – she came out of nowhere to become the top selling author in the world right now, made a crap load of coin, her stories resonate with a large chunk of people on a very emotional level, and her movie has been huge.

    I get that it’s cool to pick on Twilight and whatever her name is that wrote it, but man it sounds like sour grapes. She’s accomplished 100X more artistically in a few short years than nearly anyone else that thinks they are creative could ever hope to accomplish on as profitable and wide reaching level.

  • Twilight Lady

    I totally agree. A lot of people have been mocking Twilight and the author, but really-i’m gonna go with the “they’re just jealous”, schenario. She has done a great job telling her story in a way that makes people HOOKED. Not many people can do that for an audiance spread through a wide age range. She has done a great job. I love her books and her movie!

  • MavMurdoc

    I saw the movie with a skeptic mind, and was suprised! It was by no means the greatest movie of the year (and probably doesn’t deserve the praise it got), but it was enjoyable.

    After seeing that, a friend talked me into reading the books. Again, not the greatest, but still very enjoyable. Even if you think she’s raped the Vampire/Werewolf mythology, I will say she’s good at writing character interactions and dialog. The line “There were three things I knew about Edward…” in the movie and the book made me moan, but everything else I would dare say was Whedonesque.

  • MavMurdoc

    One more thing though. I found this article to be absolutely hilarious!!! Hahahahaha… I laughed my ass off even though I enjoyed the movie and books!

  • Foxby

    The thing is, when people mock Twilight, they’re usually annoyed because it’s all cliche– there’s nothing new. Anyone could write Twilight, and people are upset that none of the fans seem to notice the massive flaws in the characters or the lacking plot.

  • Lauren

    I am a seventh grader and up until several months ago I haled reading. I would not do it, even though I am quite a good reader. ( I am not saying that in vain, I am in an advanced Literature class called WCATY) But the thing is I came home one afternoon and I had been home for about an hour when my mother came in the door. I knew that my twin had been out with my mother and I was confused when she did not come in. I ignored it and an hour later I finally went to look for her. I found her in the car. She was wearing her seat belt and it looked as though she had not moved sense she got in the car. I then realized she had not moved at all. She was sitting with her nose inches from the page of a book and she was about 120 pages into it. (That is reading fast) I could not get her to talk or move so I went in and talked to my mother. She had apparently seen the movie that day and on her way home she found the book at the Piggly Wiggly. She was completely hooked and is still to this day. After two or three weeks she got me to see the movie and I could not believe it. I thought it would be silly and pointless. But I loved it. I read the books each one in two days and I have not stopped reading sense. I have read maybe 90 books ( Big ones) sense. Weather or not someone likes the saga, it changed my life. I have now discovered my hobby. And I do not care that S Meyer changed the way I see vamps, I love having different ideas about them. I have seen kids age nine (though they can not appreciate the saga) to family members age 47 craze over Meyers books. That to me is a big deal. I think that Twilight is amazing. (the books are better than the movies) Go Stephenie Meyer!

  • Just Plain Bob

    One might find that the people who complain about Twilight fall into two categories: people who enjoy mocking bookworms/vampires/nerds, and people who are rather well read. I can see how some people are mocking it just to mock it, but there’s definitely a lot to the argument that it isn’t great literature.

    It’s easily-digestible pop trash. Every other paragraph is about Edward’s face. Further, I would submit that it ‘resonates’ with so many people because it’s very simplistic: girl is lonely, girl longs for hero, girl meets ‘dangerous’ boy, girl pines after ‘dangerous’ boy and is conflicted while looking for a way in which they can be together.
    This series of emotions has been seen repeated again and again in the female population, and has been documented thoroughly. Scientists have labeled this phenomenon “puberty.”

    Lauren, it’s awesome you’ve learned to love reading. Keep it up! But, go down to your local library and ask the librarian to recommend some better books. There are some pretty awesome authors out there!

  • Naomi

    I don’t mean to sandbag you, MavMurdoc, but Joss Whedon is well known for writing strong, independent female leads, and all Bella ever does is get rescued and depend entirely on the other men in her life (Edward and Jacob). Whedon’s written equivalent to Bella, Buffy, does the exact opposite by being the hero who rescues everyone, including her own vampire lover, Angel, several times.

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