Scenes From An Alternate Universe Where Saved By The Bell, Rather Than Law And Order, Became The Dominant Television Franchise For A Generation

by alphamonkey on January 27, 2009 · 0 comments

in Uncategorized

From Mightygodking’s lips to your uh…eyes, I guess: Just like the title says it’s Scenes From An Alternate Universe Where Saved By The Bell, Rather Than Law And Order, Became The Dominant Television Franchise For A Generation:

1996: Moments after the final episode of College Years airs, ABC announces that their fall lineup for the next year will include Saved By The Bell: AfterClass, a new one-hour dramedy featuring Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Tiffani-Amber Thiessen as Zack and Kelly Morris, “entering the biggest Bell adventure of them all: parenthood.” Notably, AfterClass features no other Bell alums, although execs state that Dustin Diamond has been invited to “visit” the show for a potential guest appearance as Screech.

1996: NBC announces that Diamond’s contract obligations to NBC through The New Class will prevent him from appearing on AfterClass. Diamond threatens to sue NBC for damages to his career, and the New Class cast stands with him in solidarity.

1996: Kiersten Warren releases her tell-all book, Head Left Ringing, which luridly details the fast lives of the extended Bell cast. Warren claims that her firing was due in part to her refusal to partake in Bell sex orgies, because as the “new girl” it was her “duty” to service Dustin Diamond and Dennis “Mr. Belding” Haskins, who according to Warren had a penchant for double-penetrative sex. Warren also claims that the infamous “Jessie gets hooked on speed” episode was based on an actual cocaine addiction within the cast, although Elizabeth Berkeley was not the addict in question. The book tops the New York Times bestseller list for sixteen weeks.

Scary, scary stuff.

Of course, I can think of a few individuals for whom Saved By the Bell WAS the dominant television franchise for a generation

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