Because apparently Hollywood hit the peak oil of ideas in 1989….

by alphamonkey on February 2, 2009 · 4 comments

in Film,In the News

Johnny 5 is alive.  AGAINLike a dog hell-bound on lapping up its own leavings, Hollywood has decided to make the next two years a seemingly non-stop run of remakes. Carrot found this list of upcoming or soon-to-be-released remakes back in December, but it wasn’t until I started reading about this summer’s remake of ‘The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3‘ that I took a long hard look at the list.

I’m not opposed to remakes in principle. In some cases (Ocean’s 11 for example), it’s an opportunity to give a half-assed idea the care it deserved. Or maybe a clever way to both honor and update a timely theme (say, the vastly underrated War of the Worlds), but in practice I’m beginning to think it’s a concentrated effort to hammer in every last nail on the coffin of my childhood and adolescence.

I mean, c’mon… HIGHLANDER? I’ll give you that the original has many, many flaws, but why do I suspect we’ll get a wall-to-wall Fall Out Boy-covering-Queen soundtrack and waaaay too much slo-mo action? Is the story of Connor McLeod really all that damn interesting? How about a remake of Short Circuit? The Birds? Or (and this one really hurts) Hellraiser? Hasn’t enough damage been done to that property? But oh, no… Not only do we have slated remakes for great films like Rosemary’s Baby, The Dirty Dozen, and Metropolis, but we can’t forget non-classics like Angel Heart. Seriously- motherfucking ANGEL HEART. Why not remake Meatballs, or Red Sonja? Oh wait…they are.

Take a gander at this list and sound off, people. Let’s hear what you consider either desecration or even a chance to reboot teh awesome.

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  • Gorlog

    No way! Saying this list is a bit extreme is like saying the death penalty for a speeding ticket is extreme.

    I’m nervous and excited for “Clash of the Titans”. I’m nervous that they will butcher mythology (like Troy) but am excited to see what acting and modern special effects will do to that movie.

    “Last Star Fighter”? If you look at it from the perspective of the time, it is a well done film with a great message that is still relevant today. Scared. At least they are using the original director.. That gives me hope.

    Quite frankly, messing with the great Kurasawa is a mistake. I know that he has been remade successfully before, but I suppose when a film is so good there will always be theme and variation..

    Just look at all the films/plays based off Shakespeare.

  • .alphamonkey.

    “I’m nervous and excited for “Clash of the Titans”. I’m nervous that they will butcher mythology (like Troy) but am excited to see what acting and modern special effects will do to that movie.”

    I love me some Harry Hamlin, but the original “Clash of the Titans” had about as much mythological accuracy as He-Man.

  • Gorlog

    probably true. Haven’t seen the movie since I was about 15. I first saw it when I was 10 or so. I loved it so much that it started me on my fascination of all things mythological. If I saw it today I would probably cringe.

    Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t “Clash of the Titans” the last in the line of Greek mythology inspired movies that used really jerky stop action. The only other one I can think of is “Jason and the Argonauts”.

  • .alphamonkey.

    I saw “Clash of the Titans” and “Time Bandits” back-to-back at a glorious Saturday afternoon matinee one Summer day back in the wilds of ’81, and I’m pretty certain my love of “Time Bandits” falsely colored my affectionate memory of “Titans”. When I watched it in my 20’s I found it completely ridiculous, while Bandits still delivered the (admittedly flawed) goods.

    But yah, Ray Harryhausen himself made all the stop-motion characters and he retired after the film was released.

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