Thursday Top Ten Spider-Man Villains No One Wants on Film

by alphamonkey on October 8, 2009 · 3 comments

in Comics!

Despite the fact that Spider-Man 4 is looking to start shooting early next year it seems the choice of villain (or villains?) is still up in the air. The magical tubes are still all-a-flutter gossiping about the likes of Kingpin, Kraven, Carnage, or The Lizard as possible baddies. Seeing how no one wants a repeat of Spider-Man 3 (*shudder*) I thought I would offer a few suggestions on Spidey foes the franchise might want to steer clear of. Here they are, the Top 10 Spider-Man Villains no one wants to see on film…

worst spidey scorpion

10. Scorpion “Guy used to fight with a scorpion tail. You know…he used to throw his butt at you.” That about sums it up, doesn’t it?

worst spidey mysterio

9. Mysterio Okay, I actually like Mysterio, and he’s a great comic book villain, but he would be ridiculous (fishbowl head and all) on film.

spidey white rabbit

8. White Rabbit Spoiled rich bitch decides to put on a pair of bunny ears and rob fast food restaurants like Kwikkee Burgers. She’s most notable for riding a big robotic rabbit (you, my dear, are no Catman!) and getting taken down my Mary Jane.

worst spidey grizzly

7. Grizzly Speaking of idiots dressed like animals – former wrestler Maxwell Markham. Although he might be Stephen Colbert’s worst nightmare, as a Spidey villain the Grizzly is pretty lame.

worst spidey femme fatales

6. Femme Fatales A group of B-list female mutants (Bloodlust, Mindblast, Whiplash, Knockout) band together to… fail over and over again. How lame are they? In the past they’ve teamed-up with the likes of Scorpion (see above) and Tarantula (see below).

worst spidey vermin

5. Vermin He’s a big rat.

worst spidey carnage

4. Carnage I’m sorry, but Carnage is nothing more than a cheap Venom rip-off. And we all know how well Venom worked on film! What’s so sad is he’s one of the villains who has actually been discussed for Spider-Man 4!

worst spidey sin eater

3. Sin Eater Roid-rage jackoff with a shotgun. Scary!

worst spidey tarantula

2. Tarantula The guy wears red spandex with poisoned stingers on the front of his boots and tries to kick people. Um… am I the only one who wants to know just how high Gerry Conway was when he invented the Tarantula?

hypno hustler

1. Hypno Hustler Using his googles, guitar, and the music of the Mercy Killers, the Hypno Hustler was able to hypnotize others under his spell. Wait, what am I saying? How good would that Spider-Man movie be?!

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  • mj

    I’d love to see the sheer majesty and wonder of the Rocket Racer committed to celluloid. The glorious costume (doesn’t need updating, still looks good), the rocket-powered skateboard (although the New Goblin had a flying skateboard in Spider-man 3).

  • Cap’n Carrot

    Totally agree, rocket-powered skateboard = awesome.

    What’s sad is hot much cooler Rocket Racer is than everyone on this list.

  • Fenrislord

    You forgot Boomerang.

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