Despite the fact that Spider-Man 4 is looking to start shooting early next year it seems the choice of villain (or villains?) is still up in the air. The magical tubes are still all-a-flutter gossiping about the likes of Kingpin, Kraven, Carnage, or The Lizard as possible baddies. Seeing how no one wants a repeat of Spider-Man 3 (*shudder*) I thought I would offer a few suggestions on Spidey foes the franchise might want to steer clear of. Here they are, the Top 10 Spider-Man Villains no one wants to see on film…
10. Scorpion – “Guy used to fight with a scorpion tail. You know…he used to throw his butt at you.” That about sums it up, doesn’t it?
9. Mysterio – Okay, I actually like Mysterio, and he’s a great comic book villain, but he would be ridiculous (fishbowl head and all) on film.
8. White Rabbit – Spoiled rich bitch decides to put on a pair of bunny ears and rob fast food restaurants like Kwikkee Burgers. She’s most notable for riding a big robotic rabbit (you, my dear, are no Catman!) and getting taken down my Mary Jane.
7. Grizzly – Speaking of idiots dressed like animals – former wrestler Maxwell Markham. Although he might be Stephen Colbert’s worst nightmare, as a Spidey villain the Grizzly is pretty lame.
6. Femme Fatales – A group of B-list female mutants (Bloodlust, Mindblast, Whiplash, Knockout) band together to… fail over and over again. How lame are they? In the past they’ve teamed-up with the likes of Scorpion (see above) and Tarantula (see below).
5. Vermin – He’s a big rat.
4. Carnage – I’m sorry, but Carnage is nothing more than a cheap Venom rip-off. And we all know how well Venom worked on film! What’s so sad is he’s one of the villains who has actually been discussed for Spider-Man 4!
3. Sin Eater – Roid-rage jackoff with a shotgun. Scary!
2. Tarantula – The guy wears red spandex with poisoned stingers on the front of his boots and tries to kick people. Um… am I the only one who wants to know just how high Gerry Conway was when he invented the Tarantula?
1. Hypno Hustler – Using his googles, guitar, and the music of the Mercy Killers, the Hypno Hustler was able to hypnotize others under his spell. Wait, what am I saying? How good would that Spider-Man movie be?!