Film

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How does a movie based off an amusement park ride end up with four sequels? Taking a page out of the book of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the latest entry into the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise goes back to the beginning to try and recapture the magic of its best film. Although it delivers not much more than a pale imitation of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, borrowing heavily from every major plot point, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is easily the least shitty sequel in a franchise that knows something about shitty sequels.

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Baywatch

by Cap'n Carrot on May 25, 2017 · 0 comments

in Film

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Based on the 90s television show not good enough for network television which earned a following in syndication by providing soap opera style plots that often had little to do with the characters’ actual jobs of lifeguards, comes a new feature film version of the franchise. Dumb, almost entirely forgettable (I can’t name a single plot from the show either), and mostly an excuse to put beautiful people in swimsuits and have then run around on-camera, the movie is exactly what you’d expect.

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Listening To Blade Runner

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brewsters-millions-blu-rayThe 1985 comedy stars Richard Pryor as a struggling minor league baseball player who comes into a small fortune. However, there is one catch. To earn the entire estate Montgomery Brewster (Pryor) must spend $30 million within 30 days to inherit $300 million. He must not accumulate any assets, and he is also barred from telling anyone the truth about his increasingly odd behavior.

While director Walter Hill‘s film may never be quite as funny as it should be, Brewster’s Millions does deliver some wacky hijinx with Monty’s spending sprees, his interactions with his teammates and best friend (an underutilized John Candy), and the various forces working against him. Lonette McKee also stars as his accountant/love interest.

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Split

by Cap'n Carrot on May 19, 2017 · 0 comments

in Film

split-blu-rayWhen all is said and done I’m less interested in Split than the movie it may eventually lead to (a true sequel to the writer/director’s best film). That said, M. Night Shyamalan‘s film is easily the best thing he’s created in more than a decade (although given the level of crap he’s put out over that time period that’s hardly a high bar to clear).

Set in an universe Shyamalan once said he had no interest in returning to, James McAvoy stars as a schizophrenic with at least 24 distinct personalities who kidnaps three teenage girls (Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, and Jessica Sula) to feed the darkest of his personalities referred to only as “The Beast.” For at least three-fourths of its running time the movie lacks the tension it should, partially because we’re unsure how seriously to take McAvoy’s character, partially because Shyamalan wants to hide aspects of the man for as long as possible, and partially because the script jumps around a bit too much rather than staying focused on the girls’ dilemma.

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A constantly bickering couple, Zoe Lister-Jones (who also wrote and directed the movie) and Adam Pally, decide to work out their issues in song by starting a band. Fred Armisen, Jamie Chung, Colin Hanks, and Brooklyn Decker also star. Band Aid will open in limited release in select cities on June 2nd and will be available on Video On Demand one week later.

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After Hours – -Why Movies Want Us To Torture Adults

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STARGATE (1994) Retrospective / Review

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When I first heard that Guy Ritchie was going to direct a King Arthur movie my reaction was that this could well be the worst idea for a movie I’d ever heard. By that standard, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is actually better than I expected. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a full-on trainwreck in innumerable ways, but it wasn’t altogether unwatchable. (Let’s see them work that ringing endorsement onto the poster.)

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Has Reservoir Dogs Aged Well?

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