With President Barack Obama reelected and back in office for another four years, The Onion takes a look at the early front runner for the Republican nominee for the Presidential race of 2016: a Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage.
Well, it certainly has more charisma an innate humanity than either Mitt Romney or Paul Ryan.
Make sure you double-check your ballot as some machines seem to be programmed to cast a vote for Mitt Romney no matter who you vote for. I’m not saying Republicans are trying to rig the election, but unless the machines have become sentient and are hoping force into office the first robotic President of the United States, Mitt Romney, then something is amiss.
The past hour the Internet has been all abuzz with news that George Lucas has sold Lucasfilm, Industrial Light & Magic, Skywalker Sound, and the rights to the expanded Star Wars universe to Disney for $4.05 billion (half in cash and half in 40 million shares of Disney). Kathleen Kennedy, current co-chairman of Lucasfilm, will take over as President of the company and serve as executive producer for Star Wars: Episode VII which is tentatively scheduled for a 2015 release date. I’ve decided to be cautiously optimistic, but someone may want to give teh ‘monkey a hug as he’s currently crawled up in a ball under his desk muttering obscenities and planning a way to kill everyone involved.
Despite all evidence to the contrary this is not spoof, parody, skit, or sketch. Ladies and gentlemen I offer you this special look into the life of Bob Larson who travels country to perform private exorcisms like the one in this video in which he relieves a tortured soul of the gay sex demon who has possessed him for years. (Yeah, you read that correctly.) The man is also organizing an “International School of Exorcism,” to train the next generation on his unique skill set. Seriously, WTF?
Following Mitt Romney’s recent remarks about pulling funding for PBS, the Obama campaign put out this commercial that’s so good it’s almost impossible to believe it didn’t come from The Onion. Well done.