needless remakes

Robocop Redux

by Cap'n Carrot on February 13, 2014 · 0 comments

in Film

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Released in 1987, Robocop holds a special spot in the pantheon of 80’s action movies for anyone who has seen it (and its various lesser sequels and spin-offs). Written by Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner (by far the best script either has done), director Paul Verhoeven‘s satirical, violent, and over-the-top tale of a critically wounded Detroit police officer turned into the first cybernetic soldier by an ominous corporation with its own agenda gets an obligatory, and completely unnecessary, remake. Thankfully this one fares better than the last Verhoeven film Hollywood decided to remake.

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The follow-up to director J.J. Abrams2009 relaunching of the Star Trek franchise is a mostly disappointing affair that cribs heavily off other films, including one of the franchise’s own, in an attempt to offer a sophomoric version of what is generally considered the best of the original franchise. It’s nearly impossible to discuss the film in any length, or its myriad of problems, without giving away a few of its secrets. So after a few broad points about Star Trek Into Darkness you’ll forgive me I move dangerously into spoiler territory.

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We now have our first trailer for the remake of Total Recall starring Colin Farrell as a factory worker who gets far more than he expected when he goes in for an implanted virtual vacation. Kate BeckinsaleJessica BielBill NighyEthan HawkeBryan Cranston, and John Cho also star. My first reaction to a remake of my favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger film was “Why remake Total Recall?” The trailer makes the film seem like a special effects heavy reimagining of the original mixing in aspects of Jason Bourne (watch Farrell disarming the cops and then staring at his gun and tell me that doesn’t remind you of The Bourne Identity) mixed with the production design of I, Robot. The trailer doesn’t get me off the fence about the project, but I am curious to see it. The new Total Recall hits theaters on August 3rd.

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Getting you caught up on all the weekend reviews over on RazorFine Review here are the links for the reviews of the series premiere of Charlie’s Angels, the season premiere of The Mentalist, the return of Catman on Batman: The Brave and the Bold, the first issue of Red Hood and the Outlaws, and the latest issue of Daredevil.

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A prequel to a remake of a film originally based on a novella. Wow, Hollywood sure seems full of original ideas. The Thing is set before the events of John Carpenter’s goriffic film focusing on the Norwegian and American scientists who originally discovered the alien. Mary Elizabeth WinsteadJoel EdgertonEric Christian OlsenUlrich ThomsenStig Henrik HoffAdewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, and Davetta Sherwood star this time around. John W. Campbell, Jr. novella Who Goes There? was first adapted to the screen in 1951 by Howard Hawks (which is the version I still prefer).You can find the trailers for the both of the previous versions of the film after the jump. The Thing opens in theaters on October 14th.

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Old stories don’t die, they constantly get remade by Hollywood. In the new version of The Three Musketeers the hot-headed young D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) joins forces with three rogue Musketeers (Matthew Macfadyen, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson) to stop the evil Richlieu (Christoph Waltz) and the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). The new version is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson who brings his trademark style and spouse (Milla Jovovich) to the proceedings. Oh, and this one’s in 3D. Anyone else feel the need to start drinking? The Three Musketeers explodes into theaters (apparently with women and ships that can fly?) on October 14th.

THE THREE MUSKETEERS Trailer

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In 1984, director John G. Avildsen and writer Robert Mark Kamen presented the world with a coming-of-age story about young high school student named Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio) who moved to California and learned karate from kindly handyman Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita).

The Karate Kid was a hit and cultural touchstone for anyone who grew up in the 80s. It produced two sequels (and a third with Hilary Swank replacing Macchio), an animated series, a videogame for the NES, and countless merchandise. It also introduced the world to Elizabeth Shue, earned Morita a best supporting actor nomination, and forever cemented William Zabka (Johnny) in the minds of millions as a total dick.

Twenty-six years later director Harald Zwart and producers Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have remade the film for new audiences (coincidentally also giving their son a star vehicle). The plot is very similar to the original, but includes a few important departures in an attempt to allow the remake to stand on its own. So, how does The Karate Kid compare to the original? Well…

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The first hint that something was fishy about the “Clash of the Titans” remake was the trailer. There was almost no dialogue. All it was was a wordless montage of every CGI monster and 3D special effect in the film, ending with Liam Neeson as Zeus saying the signature line: “Release the Kraken!”

The bad news is that if you’ve seen that trailer, you’ve already seen all the movie has to offer. The 1981 film was a cheesy, inaccurate—but fun—journey through Greek mythology. The main reason it’s held in high regard now is because of Ray Harryhausen’s legendary stop-motion animation.

Stripped of that charm, this new version plays like a videogame, only with less character development.

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To help promote the new Clash of the Titans flick Warner Bros. has released two little flash games, Scorpioch Strike and Medusa’s Curse, just for you. There’s nothing here to bowl you over, but if you are one of the folks looking forward to this remake you might want to give them a couple moments of your time.

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