Take Shelter

2011 was a year centered firmly on both endings and beginnings, returns to greatness, nostalgic looks back, and terrifying looks forward. The year gave us stories centered on stars and filmakers of the past, the first silent film of the new millennium, and treatises on life, death, mental illness, and the end of the world.

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I don’t know what you guys are doing reading all those phoney top ten lists over there, what with their overpraise of films in which women shit in bathroom sinks.

A shame, that – after all, this, mine, is the authoritative tome that Scholars will look back on and shower with statuses of validity upon as the definitive list. “Yeah, you know what, The Artist wasn’t a lot more than a nice movie, Sparkle was totally right,” they’ll say a thousand years from now. And I shall smile down on them from Future Heaven, which is just like regular Heaven but with astronaut food, hover boards, and a hilarious robot that is actually pretty good at Stand-Up.

Anyway, here are the ten best motion pictures of the year:

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