the onion

NFL Concludes Ex-Players Taking Their Own Lives Because ‘They Miss Football So Much’

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Here’s The Onion’s Olympic Village Tour: See Where The Athletes Live, Train And Fuck Each Other.

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Starfix speculates on whether or not fans of Downton Abbey may finally get to see the wizards using their powers this season.

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It tuns out HP is the perfect cloud solution for “emails, facebooks, texting, and CD-ROMs.” Who knew? (Hidden after the jump because of the auto-start.)

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The Onion takes a good-natured poke at USA Network’s increasing number of hour-long dramas. You can find the embed after the jump due to the video’s stupid autostart.

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Not sure this exactly qualifies as “breaking news” (as it seems to happen in Washington D.C. every day of the week), but the short video still worth a look for fans of The Onion.

Authorities On Alert As Hundreds Of Crazed Sociopaths Enter Congressional Chambers

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The Onion reports how Peter Jackson was careful not only to make sure The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey stayed true to not only J.R.R. Tolkien’s original work but also the The Hobbit-themed Denny’s Menu.

Peter Jackson’s ‘The Hobbit’ Stays Faithful To Original Book, Denny’s Menu

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The Onion reports that Apple has come to an unusual solution to problems of their iPhone Maps application by rearranging the Earth’s geography to match the inaccuracies of their software.

Apple Promises To Fix Glitches In Map Software By Rearranging Earth’s Geography

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With President Barack Obama reelected and back in office for another four years, The Onion takes a look at the early front runner for the Republican nominee for the Presidential race of 2016: a Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage.

Well, it certainly has more charisma an innate humanity than either Mitt Romney or Paul Ryan.

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The Onion breaks the news on just what the Presidential hopeful spends his time googling.

Romney’s Terrifying Google Search History Leaked

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