Violence

I don’t know what you guys are doing reading all those phoney top ten lists over there, what with their overpraise of films in which women shit in bathroom sinks.

A shame, that – after all, this, mine, is the authoritative tome that Scholars will look back on and shower with statuses of validity upon as the definitive list. “Yeah, you know what, The Artist wasn’t a lot more than a nice movie, Sparkle was totally right,” they’ll say a thousand years from now. And I shall smile down on them from Future Heaven, which is just like regular Heaven but with astronaut food, hover boards, and a hilarious robot that is actually pretty good at Stand-Up.

Anyway, here are the ten best motion pictures of the year:

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