war horse

I don’t know what you guys are doing reading all those phoney top ten lists over there, what with their overpraise of films in which women shit in bathroom sinks.

A shame, that – after all, this, mine, is the authoritative tome that Scholars will look back on and shower with statuses of validity upon as the definitive list. “Yeah, you know what, The Artist wasn’t a lot more than a nice movie, Sparkle was totally right,” they’ll say a thousand years from now. And I shall smile down on them from Future Heaven, which is just like regular Heaven but with astronaut food, hover boards, and a hilarious robot that is actually pretty good at Stand-Up.

Anyway, here are the ten best motion pictures of the year:

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Lassie Goes to War

by Cap'n Carrot on December 25, 2011 · 0 comments

in Film

For his latest director Steven Spielberg returns to the theater of war, but in a far more family friendly way than Saving Private Ryan. War Horse centers around the relationship between a young man (Jeremy Irvine) and his horse, separated by the war, both trying to survive and make it back to each other. If it sounds like Lassie Goes to War, it is, except in this case Lassie is a horse (and Timmy falls into WWI instead of a well).

For the second time in a matter of weeks Spielberg delivers a somewhat disappointing film. War Horse doesn’t have the same problem as The Adventures of Tintin, having no real heart at the middle of the story, but it is overly sentimental and far, far too much like a Lassie film than I assume the director planned to make.

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